421 Show
(Hand Of Refuge Ministry.) Hello, my name is James Keith (JD) This podcast is part of my ministry. God says to take the gospel to the highways and hedges compel lost. We all come from different walks of lives, but one thing we all have in common is we have a testimony to share.
In this podcast I want share Gods testimonies, the word of God, all his goodness.
421 show: Host Jd.
Bible Talk: Host Deb Osborne.
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421 Show
Christian Hall's Testimony: Navigating Backsliding, Redemption, and the Power of Faith in Overcoming Spiritual Struggles
Christian Hall invites you to explore a journey that many might find familiar yet profoundly unique. From his early baptism at four to grappling with temptations in his teenage years, Christian's story is a testament to the strength and resilience found in faith. Listen as he recounts pivotal experiences like a life-changing judgment night and a revival that rekindled his spiritual passion. His insights shed light on the cycle of drifting away from and returning to one’s faith, offering hope to those who may be facing similar challenges.
Navigating the winding path of backsliding and redemption, Christian reveals the emotional turbulence of feeling abandoned by fellow believers and the power of finding solace in scripture and supportive communities. Through personal anecdotes, he highlights the importance of addressing internal battles and dismantling the lies we often tell ourselves. Christian emphasizes that confronting these struggles head-on is essential for healing and spiritual growth, painting a vivid picture of the transformative power of faith.
Christian’s narrative is a powerful reminder of the importance of sharing personal testimonies and their ability to inspire and heal both the storyteller and the listener. The episode underscores the biblical call to confess and support one another, strengthening a sense of community and shared purpose. As Christian navigates his ongoing battle with anxiety and conviction, his story serves as a beacon of hope, illustrating that redemption is within reach for all who seek it. Join us on the 421 Show to witness the compelling journey of faith, resilience, and the unwavering forgiveness that faith offers.
Contact information:
https://www.facebook.com/christian.hall.378
Christian_hall_1998@hotmail.com
Hey, it's your host, JD. You're listening to 421 Show. Remember, every two weeks tune in to Bible Talk with Sister Deb Osborne. You can also listen to her show on WUIC once a week at 88.1 Christian Radio Station every Sunday at 5 pm. You can also find Bible Talk and much more on the 421 Show and all your major podcast platforms, whatever which one you listen to. If you'd like to contact Sister Debbie, you can email her at osbraindebrak at gmailcom. If you'd like to support the show, you can support it through PayPal slash H-O-R 421 Show or you can go to H-Oshowbuzzsproutcom. All shows are recorded live, no post editing, recorded at the 421 studio. For all your contact information and all your studio needs, you can email at hor421ministries at gmailcom or you can phone number 239-849-1502. Praise the Lord, this is your host, jd, and you're listening to 421 Show. We have a special guest with us today Christopher Hall. Did I say that right? Christian Christian Hall, I'm sorry about that. And he's going to be sharing his testimony. And go ahead, you got the show.
Speaker 2:So my name's Christian Hall. I was born and raised here in Harlan County. I'll give you a little backstory about me. So, like I said, I was born and raised here in Harlan. Both of my grandparents were preachers. So just to put it out there, I was raised in church from the morning. The moment that the lord formed me and my mom's womb I was in a church house.
Speaker 2:uh, my papa. He just now recently stopped preaching. He was a preacher at a christian fellowship church in everts, and then then my dad's dad, who passed away. He was a pastor at Tribolo's church over in Everts too. So I've been raised in church my whole life.
Speaker 2:Like I said, the moment the Lord formed me in my mom's womb I was in church, never was allowed to miss. So I can tell you, the first time that I felt the Lord call me, I was four years old and I was at Frank Howard's church up in Cold Splint and that night, you know as a four-year-old, I went and prayed. And the same night I got baptized. At four years old I didn't truly know what was going on, but I knew that I needed Jesus at four years old. And so you know you try and live right and I ain't going to say I remember a ton after that, because I don't. But you know, the older I got, the more I got into the world. You know I was exposed to more things. And so as I got older, into the grades of fifth and sixth grade, I completely wandered from the Lord, like the interest of church, and sixth grade I completely wandered from the Lord, the interest of church and stuff had just left.
Speaker 2:And so I went through middle school, got to around sixth grade and I transferred. I switched schools. I switched to Ross Point and that's where I've developed my best friends, and at the time I didn't know that. But I got into some really bad habits then and you know, I started to do things that I didn't do before. I've seen more things than I'd seen before, and so before I knew it I was caught, and we had talked about this a little bit. I got caught up in pornography as a sixth grade kid, 12 years old. I didn't really realize. If I knew then what I know now, I would have never watched it the first time.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Like the hold that pornography can get on you.
Speaker 1:It's very strong.
Speaker 2:Is stronger than anything I've experienced. But it got a hold of me and I started to desire these things that, as a 12 year old kid, you should never desire, but I did. Well, it went long after About a year goes by and I remember my parents one evening they was like we're going to go to Kingsport, we're going to go to a judgment night down there. And we went and I don't remember exactly the whole story of it, but I remember just it's like judgment day. It gets to the end where they're judging, and I remember just seeing it and it was like again the Lord, lord, christian, you gotta turn from this. And I didn't right then and I came back home and I mean it ate at me all night.
Speaker 2:And so I got home and that next day I got saved again at church, went to church, the girl I was dating, she went and prayed and it, I guess, seeing her, it gave me the courage to go and do it too. So there it is again. Second time I went and prayed and that's the Lord that saved me. So not long after that, I go to a revival, get filled in the Holy Ghost. Speaking in tongues, it's a little bit later than that it was probably about six months. Get filled in the Holy Ghost at a revival man. That's rejuvenating. Six months, get filled in the Holy ghost at a revival man, that's rejuvenating.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, you know you go, and brother John's talked about you know when, when it's in revival, everything's great. Yes, get out of it. And then it's like well, can you withstand the attacks of the enemy?
Speaker 1:So when the battle starts exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, field rejuvenated, ready to roll year later back in the same thing. It was like a cycle and it continued. Well, after I fell back into it, I still had to go church at the end of the day. My parents always said as long as I'm under their roof and there's church, I'll be there. So I went, went to church every sunday, every Sunday night, every Wednesday, but I was just going because I was forced to go.
Speaker 2:Never, because I wanted to go, and so you know it got up into high school I had a feeling of worse. It was even a stronger hold on pornography, cussing, I mean, like the mouth I had was just so vulgar started drinking sophomore in high school, started drinking whenever I could, right. I mean just all the things that you know you don't want your kid to do and you know everyone kind of thought, oh, he's just a good kid because I lived a double life, right, I lived a life in front of certain people that I didn't live around other people, and so for three and a half years that's what my life was like and I got to my. I went through some things as I went through high school. I had multiple injuries, just stuff that you know everyday people don't experience. I had to have two knee surgeries in high school and you know that you think about it and it was like I used it almost as like I was like, well, god, you, you've allowed this to happen and I blame God. I did for a little while.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And you know that's a, that's a scary place to be when you know it ain't God's fault. No.
Speaker 2:I mean, we reap what we sow, and I'm not saying what I did caused me to have it. But I look back on it and you know, the night before I tore my ACL, my senior year, there was something I done that night and I knew right after I done it I was like I'm going to pay for this. I didn't know how and I didn't know when, but the guilt I felt and I wasn't saved, but I just knew that I was going to reap something from it, right? So the next day I tear it. I feel really angry, like I'm just angry at everything. I had a chance to go play college football. I had scouts, not like big time, but I had colleges looking at me and within a moment this could be it for me, and so I was just real angry.
Speaker 2:Well, that was in November we get to January and I told my aunt, Kim, who goes to church at John's. I said I'm gonna go to church with you. I was like I feel like I need go. So this was my senior year in high school and I went and I remember that night, just like I told the Lord. I was like Lord, if you will send Kim back here, I'll give you myself. I was like I will ask you to forgive me, I will live for you, do what I need to do.
Speaker 2:And within like a second of me saying that, I opened my eyes and there she was. She said do you want to go pray? No, I mean, I couldn't even like I couldn't talk. All I could do was just cry because, after everything, everything that I had done up to that point, like the flesh Satan's, like you're not worthy. You know the flesh satan's, like you're not worthy, you know, like you think the lord's gonna save you after all you've done.
Speaker 2:And it was in that moment I was like thank you, lord, because there isn't anybody else. You look around, there's nobody else that, after all the stuff, if you do bad stuff, someone, someone, consistently, do you think they're going to forgive you right away. No, but the Lord was right there with open arms, ready for me to come back, and so I came back to him. I was living. It felt like a long time, but it really wasn't. We're getting revival again. Getting revival, it's great, it's. We get in revival again. Getting revival, it's great. You know, it's easy to go to church when the revival is going on and everybody's going right.
Speaker 2:And the spirit's moving every night. It's great, get out of revival. I could feel the temptation of Satan coming and I could feel myself slowly giving back in, like I've always listened to. People say you know, backsliding don't happen overnight no we don't.
Speaker 2:It's a process and I could feel myself giving in to things slowly. Now I still go to church. I still going. Every time it was, the doors were open, I was still getting involved. I was worshiping, praising. I thought, well, I'm okay. No, me giving in slowly was leading to a big old explosion.
Speaker 1:Essentially, well, that goes back to the parable, you know. Talk about the sower and the seed. Yeah, it's just whatever ground that that seed is falling upon and when you're a christian and you're strong at the beginning, but then you allow all those vines to choke up, you know, you allow that water to wash away or the birds of the air to come and feed off of you and that's, that's what backsliding is.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and so, like you said, it was just like it. The vines came in and choked that flame yeah it's no one's fault, but you're myself right, because at the end of the day did did I get in the word like I needed to.
Speaker 1:That's the key right there.
Speaker 2:Did I? Did I pray like I need to know? Did I seek counsel from people that I need to seek counsel? No, I was surrounding myself with people that I didn't need to be around. I was watching and doing things that I didn't need to do.
Speaker 2:I was listening and things that go in the heart manifest what you take in is going to come out eventually yes and so, like it was a slow process, and I remember I let something that happened in the church and it had nothing to do with me, but that's where the enemy comes in, and it's like the lies of, oh, this is your fault, this like just constant lies, and I let things that were happening in church deter me from going. And the thing is is I've always listened. My parents have always said you know, church hurts. Some of the worst hurt and it is. But when you have church hurt, the wrong thing to do is to quit church because you're not hurting that church. Right?
Speaker 1:You're hurting. When I walked away from God, mine was church hurt, but also mine was lust, too, of the flesh. You know, I wanted to do what I wanted to do, you know, and it was just like I ended up hating everything. I ended up hating the church, I ended up hating God, I hated myself, I hated everybody, everything that I come across. You know, like the scripture says, you'll love one or hate the other, and basically I became a product of the word. You know, that manifested through me right then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I was mad at the church, because I would sit and I'd be drunk, drunker than a skunk, but on the inside I was screaming, you know, and I would see them pass me and they knew that I was messed up. They knew that because I could see it on their face and and I was screaming on the inside just come and pray for me, just come and talk to me, and I would watch that brother or sister walk and they knew what condition that I was in. And yeah, it's crazy, but when I come back to the Lord, I made it my my personal thing. Yeah, I made my own vow to myself that that I want to go to whoever and speak to whoever I can when I see them in trouble. No matter what, you know, it is because I was that person that sat on that bench and cried. You know I need help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's I mean that's it's a sad place and it's sad. You know this is kind of off topic, but it's sad that that's kind of where we're at today.
Speaker 1:People just I know it's not all the church's fault, but because, you know, I was driven away by my own lust, you know my own, my own thing, and but I feel that, though they, I feel that they could have helped some or they could have said something encouraging, you know, if it's just for a second, like or jesus loves you, or you know, brother, I'm praying for you, you don't even have to call me brother, because I'm not a brother. You can just say, hey, james, I'm praying for you.
Speaker 2:I didn't even get that see, people don't understand the words, what words do for people. And so you know back to you know what I was with mine. Mine was church hurt, but it was. It was church hurt from an aspect of someone. Just they got the wrong story and it was put out about me and it wasn't true. And so what the enemy? It happens a lot. Instead of just being like hey, you know this ain't right, and just settling right there, I let the enemy come in and tell me these lies.
Speaker 2:And I listened to them and it eventually got to where I was like I'm done. I told my buddy. I said I'm done. I was like I'm not going back. I don't know if I ever go back. And this, this is where, like the main part of my testimony comes in. So that was I was a senior in high school or no, I might have skipped forward a little bit. I did so. Senior in high school, I'm living, doing right, everything's good. Yeah, church hurt, it was. So there was kind of two sides in it and it was like, instead of having people pick sides, I walked away. Right, I stepped away. I was like I having people pick sides.
Speaker 2:I walked away, right, I stepped away. I was like I'm just I'm not gonna do it. And you know, for about the month that I stepped away, I was miserable oh, I know that feeling yes, and I knew I was in the wrong right.
Speaker 2:But I let that flesh rise up and was like you didn't do nothing, you just tried to keep the peace. Well, I kept the peace, but I hurt my soul because I didn't take it out on them. They ain't the ones that was hurt, it was my soul and Jesus. I took it out on the Lord. When the Lord done nothing wrong, it was me Right. And so, you know, I went back. I went to youth group. I apologized for what I had done and you know I was like I got to get it right. Well, I'll never forget I was still. I had walked away enough to where I'd got back into the sin again. Like a month was enough time for me to get back into the drinking, the pornography, sex, all that stuff. It was enough time for Satan to creep his way in and take something small and make it huge.
Speaker 2:And I'll never forget me and my buddy, we, who is now a preacher. Um, we were on our way to the water park and we were just sitting there and I looked at him and I said his name's hunter. And I said hunter. Do you ever think about like dining, going to hell? And you know, at the time he was like no, he was like I'm, we're dying and going to hell and we're both taking the bus there and I was like, when he said it, like I was just like holy cow. And it made sense because there were young people that looked up to us and I led young people down a bad path, right, and you know I didn't realize it at the time, but there was younger kids that looked up to me, played football with me, was at school, and I didn't realize the influence I had. And so the next thing I know they're hanging out with me and they're doing these things that I'm doing and I was just like, like us leading the bus to hell is the truth, and so we both kind of talked about it.
Speaker 2:About a month goes by and I know his parents had been praying for him, mine had been praying for me. I know brother John had been praying for him. Mine had been praying for me. I know Brother John had been praying for me, my Aunt Kim, like I knew there were people praying for me and it got to the point that he ended up going to church before me.
Speaker 2:He went and you know he asked me to go that night and I was just like, no, I'm not going to go. But that whole night I just failed it Like I should have went. I needed going to go, but that whole night I just failed it like I should have went. I needed to go right. And he called me after and he was just like man, I got saved tonight and like I was so happy for him. But I was still like broken because I was like you know, I should have been there too. But I told him I was like I'll go with you on sunday. So I went back on sunday, you know, I went and prayed, asked the lord to save me. Again we go into revival. It's like it's. It's like the lord sets me up perfectly to just get a fire and keep it not.
Speaker 1:I love how the lord just knows how to talk to us. Yeah, you know, because when we do do the thing that we're not supposed to do, he always, as quick as you can, brings it right back to your memory.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's like he gives me a chance to put a fire down in me and get a hold of it again and again it goes back to I let it fizzle out.
Speaker 1:I try.
Speaker 2:I can't ever blame the Lord for anything, because it's my choices.
Speaker 1:All right, agree with you. And so, uh, I tried, I tried my best to blame the Lord. I did too, and I couldn't.
Speaker 2:what can we blame him for, Can't? I mean, he woke me up at next day. He woke me up every day after. Oh, and I didn't deserve to wake up.
Speaker 2:No I just, and I didn't deserve to wake up. I deserved to go to a devil's hell a very long time ago. But he loves us enough to show us mercy and grace every day and so I was thankful, you know, saved again. Here we go. It's like the fourth time getting revival. It's really good. I mean great. I'd been praying for the Lord to fill me again. I hadn't been filled since I was in middle school. Get filled in the Holy Spirit, go for. This was in October, get to December, and I let some drama between us teens fizzle its way in. I walk away again At this point when I walk away.
Speaker 2:I didn't step back in the church house for four years. I was so, I guess, numb, you would say Like I just didn't want nothing to do with it. I was over it, like I didn't care, like I wouldn't even go to Easter service. I wouldn't go to a Christmas service, I wouldn't do nothing. I left and went to college, done my own thing, got back and I mean I was drinking all the time. Same thing still involved in in pornography, all that same stuff. And I remember my buddy hunter. Like I said, who's a preacher he?
Speaker 2:There would be nights that I would lay in my bed in my dorm room and I would just, it was like the lord would come and be like you know, it's time to come home and I would just sit there and I'd ball like I couldn't even pray, like I didn't. I felt like I didn't even know how to pray anymore, like, and I would be like lord, help me. And the next day I'd go right back doing the same thing and it was like in that moment, yeah, I felt guilty, but I didn't truly believe he would save me from it. It's like I could never move past it. So we get, that was right before COVID.
Speaker 2:We, covid happens. We come home. I'm going to men's Bible study every week. I'm away from the atmosphere that I was at in college, so, like, the drinking slowed down, I went around the same people but like the, still the sexual desires, the lust, the pornography is still there. It's still at my disposal and you know, I'd go to these men's bible studies and I would like I'd be like yeah I'm ready to, ready to live right and I never would.
Speaker 2:it's just like I. I would let Satan lie to me, and so it. It got to the point that, um, I felt like I had the person that I thought I was going to marry broke up, is it? I had another surgery. It was like all these things were happening at once and it was to the point of I, literally I felt like I had no hope, like I can, literally I remember the day. What was going on. I looked at my mom and I was like I, really just I was like I want to die, like I don't want to live. I have no reason to want to live and to feel like that, like I look back on it and it's just like man, it's a sad, it's just it's sad. I think about it and I'm like you know how could I feel like that when you know the Lord's brought me through so much?
Speaker 2:But after that happened, I was drinking more than I ever had. I mean, I was. This was my routine. I got up every day, go to school, go to workouts, drink Same thing, drink same thing five days a week. Then on saturday, I'd go party with my friends. All right, I was watching pornography three and four times a day. I mean, I had my own place at school like I was doing all these things.
Speaker 2:And I just remember there was one night I went to a party and I came home and it was like I wasn't even drunk and I had drank enough. I had drank enough for probably me, you and another person. I remember just laying in my bed and just all I could do was sob. It was like the Lord, just let me know. It's like Christian. It's time to come back. It's time to get serious.
Speaker 2:My mom was sending me stuff all the time, sending me like preachers, preaching, you know. I remember she was listening to kent christmas, I guess it was, and he was talking about the prodigal son coming home and it just broke me because I had been raised right my whole life. I knew right from wrong. I knew what I needed doing, what I didn't need to do, and it was like I was trying to run from what God was trying to do, essentially, and I used any excuse that the devil would give me to run. I'd take it and I'd run with it. And so I told the guy that was staying with me, my roommate. I said I'm done. I said I'm not living this life. I said I can't. I said I physically cannot live this life anymore.
Speaker 2:And so that was about two weeks before we came home from college and I came home and, mind you, I went to church one time. I finally went to an Easter service that the end of the month. Before we came home, my friends at school they were like let's go to one. And I was like, okay, so I went and I came home and I called my aunt Kim and I was like I'm coming back to church. I was like it's time. I like I've got to get right with the Lord. And so I came home and I was like I was so excited to go back to church but at the same time I was so nervous because I remember what I remember when I got, I gave my heart back to the lord.
Speaker 1:Scariest part, walking into a church house, and I can feel it by as I.
Speaker 1:It's like I can remember every feeling that I did when I come back to the lord, and it was wonderful that god saved me. Yeah, you know, that's a testimony in itself, but when I walked into that church house for the first time after or seven or eight years, I felt home. Yeah, but I felt different, though I don't know how to explain it. It was more of a feeling than anything that I can explain, but I knew that I was where I needed to be. Oh yeah, even though I walked into a Presbyterian church, because where I was living at there's not no Pentecostal churches. There's like 50 miles away was the nearest Pentecostal church. So I went to an apostolic church or I went to a Presbyterian church, but when I walked into that church I felt at home. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I was scared too. I don't know how to explain that. I'm with you right there. That was the thing I think my soul was like. It craved it, yeah, but the flesh was terrified, like I was like, yeah, I've not seen these people.
Speaker 2:Are they going to accept me, are they going to welcome me back? And it's like radar's going this way. Yeah, and people. I don't think, and I think that's where we're at today in the world. Like people struggle, they're, they're worried about how they're going to be received when they come back. But I can tell you what, when I came back, that first service back was like the best feeling other than being saved. It felt like just love, showered in, love, come in and everybody loving on you, and it's like man. No wonder the devil didn't want me to come tonight. Right, he didn't want me to feel this love that I'm getting and it was.
Speaker 2:I was so happy to be back but and I, I got saved that night, but the battle got a lot harder that night. And you know it says you know when you walk away, sin gets. What is it, is it?
Speaker 1:seven times stronger, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so at this point I'm 20, I was 23 years old. I didn't realize how deep in sin I was.
Speaker 1:You don't until the Lord shows it to you.
Speaker 2:You don't, and like I mean, I just got chills.
Speaker 1:I thought, the battle was won right there, hey brother, I did too. I'm right there with you. I. I mean, I thought everything was going to be gumdrops and lollipops and I was like, all right, I'll go get back into playing my music. Things gonna go hot and lord like nope, there's, there's some trust issues here with me and you we gotta, we gotta deal with. And then I was packing some demons. I mean, I felt them follow me for months, even still today. I can feel them every now and then. Yeah, I can feel it, and I know what that spirit is and it comes straight up to me. I'm like, and I could tell you what side you know they're on me and I'm like I know that spirit, you know.
Speaker 1:But I'm so thankful though yeah that I'm strong enough now to resist it.
Speaker 2:I know, and that's that's see everyone. That's another misconception, I feel like you know, everyone makes it seem like, oh, you get saved, and it's like everything's rainbows and unicorns first time yeah, yeah, the first time it's easy. Yeah, easy peasy, but when you walk away, yeah. I thought yep, battle's won. The Lord's going to do it. Could you imagine what hell's going to be like, though?
Speaker 1:No, I mean to have what we felt though, that separation between you and the Lord. And then we got to come back. But just imagine that feeling enhanced 10 times on, 10 times or a hundred times, not to be able to. We know that physical feeling and saying that's what the Lord, at the beginning of my walk back with the Lord, that's where he took me, that's what he started to teach me, and I'm like I'm sorry, lord, it's reality. You know, are you serious enough about this so I can trust you again to put my word back into your heart? And I'm like I'm on the wow factor, you know, and I'm like I don't know what to do. It actually got to a point that it scared me enough that the Lord was showing me so much about myself and I said I bawled for weeks. I know what I was saying, but I said I'm sorry, lord, you know, let me find these people or let me deal with this. And, you know, cause reality.
Speaker 2:I mean it just hit me like a ton of bricks yeah. And that's the thing, like, like you said, we don't truly understand how deep we are in it and I didn't. Now there was parts that was easy the Lord took out of me easily like cussing yeah. No problem.
Speaker 2:Once I got away from the people that were drinking, I was like, okay, the pornography, the sex Uh, I didn't know, and I thought I'm okay. The pornography, the sex Uh-uh, I didn't know, and I thought I'm okay. The temptation was harder than it had ever been in my life. Yeah, I'm not going to sit here and act like, oh over, it took me almost a year. I fell into it constantly and I fell back. I drank one more time after that, two more, and it was like I was just like what am I doing? Like it was almost ignorance. I was like I don't enjoy it, what am I doing? I never drank because I enjoyed it. I drank because I felt miserable. So the Lord took that for me pretty easy. But I'll never forget I was.
Speaker 2:I was going to church, mind you, I hadn't done nothing in the church. Forget, I was going to church. Mind you, I hadn't done nothing in the church. Yet I hadn't taught a class, I hadn't opened a service, I hadn't done nothing. I was just going Casual Christians, they call them and I was still falling into the lust. I thought, I'm okay, I pray afterwards. No, I'll never forget. I thought I'm okay, I pray afterwards, I can no. I'll never forget. I was sitting in my bed, my bedroom. I'd watched porn earlier and that night I was like I'm gonna read my Bible and pray.
Speaker 2:Uh could I? It was like you said earlier. You were screaming inside. All I could do was scream because of how angry I was. Right and it's. The Holy Spirit convicted me right then and it was like either me or this. It was like that's the most fearful I've ever been in my life. It was like the line right then it's like you're going to choose me and you're going to live it, or you're going to choose this and you're going to die and go to hell. And I knew right then the problem I had. And as a 22-year-old, 23-year-old kid, I had to go wake my parents up and tell them what I was battling with. No one at the time knew it, because nobody wants anybody to know that they're struggling with pornography. No, who does?
Speaker 2:And I went right there and I woke them up and I said I need you to pray for me right now. And I was like what's going on? I said I know you don't want to hear this. I said but I've got to get it off my chest. I said I'm addicted to porn and I need it gone. I said I've got to get it out of my life. And my mom looked at me and she was like the first step to recovering you're just done. She was like admitting you have a problem, that's right.
Speaker 2:And I never admitted I had that problem. I just I done it, thought I could pray it out each evening and be okay, but I couldn't. And the Lord, it took a year. It took exactly, almost exactly one year from the time I came back to get it out. And even after that I mean I had to fight. It still did I did. I fall every now and every once in a while I did because I was still trying to fight it. But it took that full surrender. You know, you know you can say you surrender something to god, but then you come back and pick it up, did you?
Speaker 1:have rituals like when the lord it helped you with it and stuff. Did you have like reading rituals or prayer rituals that helped you to gain that strength that you needed?
Speaker 2:The first thing I'd done was I deleted all social media. Anything that could tempt me, I deleted it. And the next thing I'd done is it was the only time Satan would come against me with is when I was alone. What I would do is I'd get up and I'd walk off and pray. Or I'd get up and I'd go sit with my parents and talk about hey, I need you to just talk to me.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Keep me from being alone. And you know I talked to you before about how I was going to share my testimony with you about a year ago when you started, and then the Lord had to deal with me some more and thankfully, since then I saint tries to come against me with this old stuff, but it's nowhere near like it was because, like you said, you know I started to do things that built that strength up.
Speaker 1:I started reading certain verses well, you know what the lord had told me that there was. There was a lot of demons in my life and I can, I can sit here, can I you know and tell you when my demons started. I can physically remember the day that it happened. I could tell you the time, the day and my age. That you know the demons started in my life and what the lord had showed me he had showed me all those years I built it up. You know that sin in my life. He had to start breaking down parts of my life just to get to where I can deal with this or I can deal with that.
Speaker 1:He didn't say that I wasn't saved no but he says james, there's some things before I could even get to this podcast and start doing this podcast, before I can get you to do this, james, we got to deal with this. Once we deal with that, we'll go deal with this. And I and I, and when I started to realize that and I had those habits like you, you know I would, I would read and read and pray, and pray and you know I'd read like two chapters a day and pray for two hours and I kept a constant, repetitive habit, you know doing that.
Speaker 2:Even then, you know, in between I would do it, but it was like the lord was teaching me, you know and so you know, like I think back on it, and it's like the lord had to take me to that point of hopelessness, like I had to feel, like I was down as low as I could get to get me to realize, hey, I gotta have the lord right. And so, you know, people think you just again, just because you get saved, it's fine, you're okay, you ain't gonna deal with nothing, right you are. And that's what he had to show me. It's like you know, you're not complete. I've not took everything from you yet. I've got to work on you so you can see my hand at work. And so you know it got to that point. And finally, them temptations. You resist the devil enough he'll flee. So the more I resisted, the easier that got. I didn't struggle with the lust, didn't struggle with those things. But then here comes another attack, one you don't expect. And this is what I, this is what I really want to share with people, because I feel like this is where one, this is what the lord wanted me to really talk about. But I feel like this is where we're at in society and in the world we're in.
Speaker 2:Three months ago it it was August we're at church and we leave church and I just feel this heaviness on me. I didn't know what it was, but like I couldn't shake it. I'd been house sitting for my aunt and I walked in and one of the boys that comes to church with me. He rode with me back because I had to run him home and I sat down and it was like I thought I was having a heart attack and it was like the fear I I never really dealt with fear or like anxiety. I dealt with depression but never fear and it was like a heart attack and I felt it was debilitating. How I felt like I felt like I had I was in control of nothing. Yeah, it was like satan. How I felt.
Speaker 2:Like I felt like I had I was in control of nothing yeah, it was like satan's, like you're gonna die, like the thought you're gonna die, like I was like I'm having a heart attack and I went to it's so bad and I won't go to the doctor in general unless I have to, like I refuse. It was so bad that I got up. I was like I gotta take myself to hospital, like I'm about to die. And I remember as got to take myself to the hospital Like I'm about to die. And I remember, as I was driving myself to the hospital, it was like I lost all feeling. I had no feeling in my hands, my feet, and the only thing I could do was say the name of Jesus. It was like that was it. I couldn't say nothing else with it, it was just Jesus. Like I started getting hot. I rolled down my windows. I was driving down the freeway. People probably thought I was an idiot, because I was.
Speaker 1:I was screaming it when you've never dealt with a panic attack. It is scary when it first the first time you ever had to deal with it.
Speaker 2:It it feels like you're dying and so, you know, I had to be like. I was like jesus, jesus, jesus kept repeating it and as I pull into the hospital I start to feel a little better. But you know, satan's still like oh, you're going to die. So we go in and get checked. A couple people come out there. John comes out there and sees me and it's like Christian, you're okay, you're dealing with anxiety. And then you know, john shared with the church. You know about how he had to go through it to help someone else, it to help someone else. Well, in the moment I was like, well, maybe I'm going through it to help someone else, but I didn't really didn't think about it, I was just worried, like what's wrong with me. So I got done that day. I was like, whatever, fast forward. About two weeks later I'm sitting at home. Mind you, I didn't even say this. I dipped, dipped for nine, ten years. Every day, dip in every day. All right, if I wasn't teaching at school, there's a dip in, just what it was. And I always said you know, lord, if you convict me of dipping, I'll quit. So he convicted me.
Speaker 2:During this time I'm dealing with this anxiety and stuff. I'm sitting there on a Saturday and I dipped that that day and the Lord had done, convicted me of it. Well, I keep it in for like 10 minutes and spit it out. And I was like instantly fear it's like you done it. You dipped again so that this was the worst panic attack I've ever had, like to the point I was like I'm gonna go pray about it, just talk to the Lord, go upstairs to pray. I can't even pray, like I'm struggling so bad with the fear that I can't even like I can't get words out. And so I went downstairs and like I'm just balling, like I can't even talk. I'm like I'm just bawling, like I can't even talk. I'm like I just need y'all to pray, like I was, like I'm dying. Literally felt like I was dying.
Speaker 2:Like this felt way worse than the time I went to the hospital, and so you know my mom and dad. They're praying for me, we're all praying and we get done. And it's like I go and sit down and I'm still feeling this, it's like an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness. At this point, my hands and feet go numb again and I'm like Lord, I don't know what to do. Like I'm, I pray and I ask you to. Like I don't, I don't understand. Then I it's so bad that I go and I throw up, like I can't quit puking.
Speaker 2:Yeah definitely, and I had never been there, I had never dealt with that before and I was like holy cow.
Speaker 1:Scary, isn't it.
Speaker 2:It's terrifying because you have no control. And so I got done and I shared with you earlier. There was a boy that I shared my testimony with and that same night, after I just went through all this and I had shared part of it with him, I shared it with him he texted me and he's like thank you, you know, and I was like for what he's like that testimony you shared with me of what the Lord done for you and since then the Lord's convicted me of it. I got saved tonight. And then it was like wow, like the Lord, yeah, I'm having to go through some stuff.
Speaker 2:And I called John right after and I was like you know how you talk about the Lord had to allow you to go through some stuff to help other people. I was like I believe that's what the Lord's done through me and you know he's put me in a job where I'm around young people and I say all that, all my testimony, to say this like you know, I wish I would have had someone my age now, when I was in high school, to help me and to guide me. And you know I'm beyond thankful to the Lord that he's put me in a position to where I can be an influence on kids that are in my shoes. I didn't have influence growing up, see, and I had grown people. I never had someone like you know. You have your parents and stuff who are like oh you know, I'm here for you if you need me, but they don't truly understand because the times they lived in was a lot different than what I lived through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the people I had to rely on were the people that was stuck in the same sin.
Speaker 2:I was in right and now they go to work with a blind can't lead the blind, and I I mean as a, a young man. You don't want to go and tell your pastor you're struggling with pornography, you're struggling with alcohol. You're like that's not just, but like it's sin is embarrassing.
Speaker 1:If you want to get down to the nitty gritty of it, you could. You can have that Jezebel spirit all you want. You know, puff up, but truth is the truth. You're just as scared, it's just as embarrassing. Yeah, you know, we all deal with it, though.
Speaker 2:And say you know the Bible, you know it says confess your faults one to another, right. And I think that's you know. I feel like when I confess, like not even just to the Lord, but when I tell someone else like hey, I've struggled with this, it's like a sense of relief, like I've got it off, like someone else has heard me.
Speaker 1:And I don't know if it's it's a sense of relief, because then it's like, well, you know, you help someone else, maybe get that off their chest to someone, and so it's like every time I get behind this mic and I share whatever the word puts on my heart it'd be from my testimony or something from the bible. Yeah, I feel that release, yeah, but and and I exactly understand what you're saying because it's like I know, lord, whatever you put in my heart to say, it didn't go're saying. Because it's like I know, lord, whatever you put in my heart to say it didn't go void.
Speaker 2:No, and it's like sharing your testimony. I've always felt like it gives a sense of hope to someone else.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what the Lord had showed me about testimony. You know the story when the children of Israel crossed over and they placed it 12 stones. And what do those stones represent? The 12 tribes of Israel, right. But there was also another meaning behind those stones. They represented where God had took them from and say, when we share our testimony of what God had brought us through and where he's taken us, we're remembering and say, and for God to say he casts his our sins as far as the East is the West, and remember them no more.
Speaker 1:That's a pretty big statement. Oh yeah, I mean, and it was really profound on me. So, like you had asked me before we started the show, what brought this on? Those are scriptures that the Lord had been teaching me all of my life to up to this point is where this podcast started. Yeah, you know, and it's people like you and I am, you know, and other brothers and sisters that get on here and share. We just don't realize how much of our testimony we could share. Probably a 10 or 15 minute, you know, part of our life. And then, and then, all of a sudden, we're earning those jewels in our crown. We're making heaven just a little bit larger, it's amazing it is.
Speaker 2:We don't and we can't grasp a hold of what it does for certain people. Right, I might not know. It might touch someone's heart who's not from here and it might lead them to get saved, and if it does that, it's beyond words.
Speaker 1:Or it could help a brother and sister to reach out and say, hey, I deal with this ungodly sin that I'm embarrassed of, and it gives them a little bit of strength to say I have this problem and that might be all it takes to break that yoke that's been binding them for so long.
Speaker 2:Just admitting that you have that problem, that's right. That's the thing. Satan is the accuser. That's the thing. Satan is the accuser. He's a liar. He don't want you to believe you have a problem. No, and you know that's what was hard for me was to be like I do. But man, when I got, when I said it, like when the words came out of my mouth, I have a problem, I'm addicted to it it was like instantly, like it just left.
Speaker 2:In that moment it was like the Lord was just like that's what I've been waiting for. Cast your care upon me, for it careth for you. And you know, I think we find that hard to do sometimes. I think we find it hard to be like. Well, Lord, you know I need help, that's what he wants. I mean he tells us to do it.
Speaker 1:We're to go to him. Yeah, you know, confess. You know, confess to the lord, he'll help us. Oh yeah, but lord listens and see, what are we supposed to be like, christ-like, right? So when our we are supposed to, when our brothers and sisters come to us, we're supposed to lead to the example, like christ we're supposed to love them and not and listen to him, because, see, that's what god does for us. He listens, then he gives us a word of encouragement, and it's the same.
Speaker 2:We're not to judge no, it's not our place to no that's the thing like. By sharing this, you know, I hope that people reach out. You know I would love for people like, hey, you know, how did this, how did you get through it? Because not only will it help them, but it helps me. That keeps me accountable, that helps me stay accountable and it also gives me a chance to witness, maybe, someone else. And so, you know, I'm thankful. More than anything, I'm thankful from where the Lord's brought me from.
Speaker 2:I've had people who you know that ran around with me when I was a sinner and they're like you know. I can see a difference in you. You're not the same Christian you was.
Speaker 1:I don't even go around. I love those people I hung around with and if I ever meet them in the store again, I just you know I keep my distance. I had to keep myself on a short lease because you know I'm not like everybody else. No, you know, everybody's got their own faults and stuff and everybody. But I went deep in sin. Yeah. And I had to find myself living, sometimes like a hermit, to be able to survive.
Speaker 2:I'm glad you said that, because I was the same way. Yeah, when I was in sin, I wanted to be out and doing everything, and now it's like you can't even pay, like it takes an act of other than to work, go to football practice or church. You ain't getting me out of the house, that's right. Like I'm, I would rather be at home and away from anything that satan can try to come against me than, yeah, to be out. So I I get that whole heart.
Speaker 1:See, I used, you know, growing up I was addicted to sex, you know, and I used pornography to fuel that. Then getting addicted to the pornography, you know, and then getting out, and then you're meeting someone just as promiscuous as you are, and then you know, before you know it, you know, you're so deep into sin you don't know where to go and say that it takes me, you know, like I would puke, you know, after having a sexual relationship or watching pornography or diving deep into that.
Speaker 1:You know that lustful part of myself that you know that was manifesting itself. I would get sick at my stomach, you know, and what that was. It was that demon manifesting itself and I would get sick at my stomach, and what that was. It was that demon manifesting itself and I would almost puke at times because I was so disgusted with myself. Even when I was a non-Christian and I didn't understand it, I had those same feelings.
Speaker 1:So, when I got saved, it's like, oh, that's what that was. I mean, the truth is true. But see, I grew up. I didn't grow up in a home like that. I didn't grow up in a church house, you know. I didn't have a. I had a loving mother. You know my father, you know he abandoned, uh, me and my sister when we was young. My mom, you know, and and I, you know, abusive such a, you know it is what it is. But I didn't have love. And seeing, I saw, through my partying and my friends and the sex and the pornography seeing, that's where I found that.
Speaker 2:Comfort yeah comfort. Yeah, and so you know, thankfully.
Speaker 1:It got to the point that when I actually did find somebody that I thought I might be able to share my life with, I couldn't because of my love was so perverted it wouldn't like it was. It wouldn't true. Yeah, it was love, it wasn't true love. Yeah, because, see, true love set you free. True love, you know it is what it is, you bear it on your sleeve. But that false love, you hide things. Yeah, you, you. That's hard to explain and, and I'm pretty sure there's a lot of people out there that understand what I'm talking about, see, and you say that and like I don't care.
Speaker 2:I'm 20, going on 26, I'm not married, right. But the reason my mind was so perverted that I don't think I could have married someone because I was so caught up in just sex that it would have never. I mean, the Lord had to work on me and I believe he's still working on me and I believe, yeah, I'll get married, but I believe until now it's been. He's working on me. He's trying to get that true love back in me towards people. So I get what you're saying. I know I could and that's why I couldn't do relationships and I struggled so bad with it because, again, my mind was so perverted that it was like, do I really want a relationship or am I wanting one thing? And that's not fair to anybody I hated.
Speaker 1:I hated the sin so much brother, I'm going to share this, okay, and I, I feel I'm going to share this I hated the sin so much that I actually thought about having surgery and having every part of everything that defined who I was as a man removed. Uh, I had really thought about not had nothing to do with the transgender or nothing like that. I didn't want those desires, I did not want that. And then when I, when the lord delivered me from all of that, I don't want to get married. I it's almost like the lord says, don't despise the marriage, because marriage is a beautiful thing. You know, children are a beautiful thing. But it was, there was a point in my christian walk.
Speaker 1:I despised marriage because I did not want to end up like my father. You know, run away from my house, you can't take care of my kids, yada, yada, yada. You know deadbeat, you know. And I didn't want to be like my mom, I didn't want to be schizophrenic and not show love. But she was the same way and if she was here, she would testify about it. You know, she's testified about it in front of a lot of people.
Speaker 1:You know, her love was perverted too, you know, you know she chased a dragon for years, for 20 plus years, you know, and I lived with it, seen it? You know, I was there. You know, I've seen the coffee tables and it's this is what it is. And, uh, it just, it got to the point that I was like I don't, I hate marriage, I don't want to get married. And even now, today, I look at myself and I said James, you truly want to get married, you know. And then I read him. Paul says you know, be like me. I said well, lord, I tell you what, though if you want me to find married and I'll accept it and I'll open arms, I'll embrace, it is because I know what love is now yeah and, uh, that that was hard, that had to be.
Speaker 1:One of the hardest things for me was, you know, to it perverted, what the true meaning of love with me, what family really meant to me? Yeah, yeah it just here recently, now, just here recently, I you know, because that's what, that's what happens when we sin is we chase after the world. Oh yeah, you're either chasing after something or the world, or you're chasing everything in the world. You know, and I was chasing to be accepted and the lord kept telling me every day you're accepted. One day it hit me yeah you know, you're my father.
Speaker 1:He says I'll be the father to the fatherless. And he says, james, you found your family. And he hit me like a ton of bricks. And when it hit me. All I can do is just sit there and bawl I can imagine yeah, it's like I found my place. Yeah, and I. If I had died right then, I would have been a happy man be, truthful yeah and that's.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, though, because, you know, not everyone's is the same, right, mine and yours is completely different. We might have been caught up in the same sin, but totally different. Our stories are completely different, and that's what people don't realize. About testimonies yeah, the sin I mean there's. We all know what sin is, and everybody's caught up in a different one, and we may be caught up in the same one, but our stories are completely different, and that's. I find that awesome and I'll share this. I wasn't going to, but I'm going to share it. You know, I talked about the breakup I'd went through, where I thought I'd found the person I was going to be with. Was I perfect in it? I wasn't. I still I had lustful desires, but it was one relationship I was willing to not like have sex, because, in my, I truly loved that person. I really did Right.
Speaker 2:And I know for a fact, even at a young age I knew I loved them. And so you know, three years and it happened a couple of times, but like it didn't define my love for that person and you know, once it ended it was like the devil made it even worse on me.
Speaker 2:And it was like well, you know you waited all that time. She didn't really love you all these lives. You know lies, you know, and it just wasn't God's will Like, you know, if it was meant to be. I can remember driving. We was coming home from a game and I wasn't saved at all. I wasn't even close to being saved and for whatever reason, we were driving home and I looked out the window and I can remember the day what it looked like and I said, lord, if I'm not supposed to be with her, just let her end it.
Speaker 2:She did that now and I didn't. I mean, I've always said, you know, don't ask the Lord for something you ain't ready for. And I didn't realize, like I thought, you know, whatever wasn't safe. But the Lord answered that and it ended that night. And so you know, after that I really struggled again with love because I was, like you know, I thought I showed love by being able to withstand not doing those things, and so it corrupted my mind even more. I was like, well, it don't matter what I do. So then I thought, you know, sex was the answer to everything and it wasn't and it took me down a long road.
Speaker 2:it took me down a very long and dark and lonely road, but you know I can a very long and dark and lonely road. But you know I can sit here today and say thank you, lord, because that long road brought me to where I am now and I get to share with people what the Lord done and delivered me from and I hope it gives hope to someone else.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, you know, hearing other people's testimonies gave me hope, because, see, I always people's testimonies gave me hope because, see, I always searched out testimonies yes I'm always, even when I, when I, when I first got saved I, I loved it when it was testimony time yeah
Speaker 1:and, and you know, I I like john though I went to one of these churches. You know the old school church of god. You know they testimony time. That's that's when the real church starts, you know, you know. But I loved it because I knew when that certain brother would get up and testify it was filling, or when that sister testified the church was about to explode for another 30 or 40 minutes. And I love testimony, I love to hear where god it brought him from and seeing that was that's what I was looking for in pornography or in sex. I was looking for that realism. You know that, that connection. But see, all of all, of all this time it was there with the lord.
Speaker 1:You know that that connection trying to fill a void yeah, you and I couldn't feel and and, and it was always there and seeing, and you know what the lord puts in me. He puts a microphone in front of me now and I'm able to share, so I have my own testimony time and that's awesome.
Speaker 2:I'm with you though testimony. You know you find out really who you find out you find out how brave people are and you find out how I always feel. Like you know. You find out how thankful and are and you find out how I always feel. Like you know. You find out how thankful and now some people just don't share, but like you find out how thankful people are when they're willing to get up right now.
Speaker 1:I will tell you this there is some things in my life I'm taking to the grave yeah and I think people need to hear that too. But there is things in my life that I felt pushed to share and I and I felt to share that part of me that wanted to like take away my manhood and because of you know the sickness that it brought upon me, and I see, I didn't get that far, but I it got to the point that I constantly prayed for the lord to suppress some feelings.
Speaker 2:And you, the time again, don't ask for something you're not ready for. And over the last year, close to it, I mean, I'll share it I've talked to multiple girls and I can't even like and it's nothing to do with them, I can't even bring myself to kiss them Like. I don't even have a desire, and I believe it's because I asked the lord to take that until until I found my wife well, that's a good thing too, yeah but it took so long for me to realize, realize that yeah you know, I look back and I tell people the biggest mistake I ever made was having sex the first time if I could have, if I could have went back in time yeah, I've said that would have been the first thing.
Speaker 2:I would have changed that. But at the end of the day, if I changed it, would my testimony be what it is today? Would I get to share what I've?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've went to those what ifs and I don't think there's nothing with thinking about those what ifs, but there is sometimes, though you can kind of go too deep into those what if questions, but there though, you can kind of go deep too deep into those what if?
Speaker 2:questions, but there have been many. At times I said, lord, what if I had not done this? Well, james, you're not being where you've been right now. It's, it's. Every action has. Uh, it's science. I'm a science teacher.
Speaker 2:Every action has a reaction. So you know, I'm not thankful for what I've done and the slightest bit, but I'm thankful for what God led, or what God done through what I done. You know, it's the things. You know. None of us expect to for God to take us to where he does, but it's his plan and if you will adhere to his word, read his word and seek him, he'll take you to where he wants to go, where he wants to take you. And that's the most, the, the best thing you know is I've, I've, I've got to hear, I've had people prophesy over my life and you know, maybe in me, you know, and after everything, self is like you can't do that, Right, Right, you can't do that.
Speaker 2:And I remember back in high school, Brother John. This has stuck with me ever since and it was like it'd get brought to my mind and it wasn't just as a Christian, but it was like it could have went one of two ways. But I'll never forget it. He told me, he said I need to talk to you and I said okay. And he said I had a dream of you last night and he said said in my dream you were standing in a boat and he said, everyone around you was drowning, he said, but as you talked, the more you spoke, the more people got into the boat. And as a teenager, you're like holy cow. But I've always had people tell me you know and I don't want to toot my own horn whatsoever but I've always had people tell me you know, and I don't want to toot my own horn whatsoever but I've always had people tell me Christian, you're a leader, People watch what you do, and I didn't think about that. I didn't think about those things.
Speaker 1:But now it's like you see the effect of your life and how much it is such a profound effect on others. We just don't know how much your life has effect.
Speaker 2:I look at the actions that I've done, that is, and I see what it's done to people's life and I've had to. I've never went back to all of them and apologize for it, but there's some I've had to be like I'm sorry for what you've seen for me, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because that was wrong. I apologize to a teacher and I wouldn't say when I was in high school, but I was such a heather. Yeah, I'll tell you what type of kid I was in high school. I actually had a teacher come up to me one day and says mr keith, you're the reason why I'm retiring this year and I can tell you her name right now and I can tell you exactly what she looked like.
Speaker 1:I was in the eighth grade and I could tell you what class that I was in and where it was. I'd remember it like it was yesterday. And I have one teacher in high school we fought for four years, and that's if I had to talk to that other teacher. If I could, I would. She's probably passed away now Cause she was in her. She was pretty high up there at the time, but I did get to speak to one of my teachers that I fought for four years in high school and I got to make amends with him and tell him just how much of you know he made an impact on me. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Just is what you know that, what he had taught, he didn't think he taught me anything, yeah and uh. So we don't realize how much our impact yeah do we have just in our everyday life or walk, you're right, we talk and you know it goes both ways.
Speaker 2:You know we don't realize the impact people has on us until it's right, it's right and like you know, being a teacher, you think same thing. You just said it's like, as a teacher, you think, lord, what impact do I have on these kids? But then it's like the impact some of these kids have on me, it goes both ways and I'm thankful. I'm thankful the Lord's placed me where he's placed me. I'm thankful I'm in a spot where I can share some things with these kids and that anxiety and stuff that I faced. I've got to talk to a couple kids who deal with it. I'm like listen, and I don a couple kids who deal with it. Right, I'm like listen and I don't care, I'll share with them stuff that the lord lays on my heart. If he lays it on it, I'll share it. I told him I was like I just recently went through what you're going through.
Speaker 1:I'm here and saying that's what. That's what the kids of the day need to hear that they're not alone because they're. They're in seeing our church is facing identity crisis and and seeing that's what the devil did at the beginning of the Garden of Eden. He went up to Eve and says he tried to change her and say you're a god, you're this and you're that, and all of a sudden the confusion and all of that starts to happen and you start to lose sight of exactly a true love. It's inside of you who you are, and I think kids need to know that yeah.
Speaker 2:And so that's kind of what the Lord's laid on my heart to share with whoever listens. The biggest thing I'd say is I'm thankful for the Lord's salvation. I'm thankful for his mercy and his grace. I didn't deserve a second of it.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:But when he went to Calvary and he hung there, if it wasn't for no one else, it was for me.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:It's unimaginable to think of the love that God has for us. I can't picture it. It wrecks me when I think about you. Know what the Lord suffered for someone like me who would reject him time after time and walk away from him when he's done nothing but been good to me. And so, you know, I'm just. I'm thankful. I'm thankful for you allowing me to come on here and share. You know what the Lord laid on my heart.
Speaker 1:I was super excited to hear your testimony, brother.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it and you know, I can't wait to see what else the Lord does through your ministry.
Speaker 1:I watched the Lord just here just the other day. I've watched the Lord open some doors. Yeah, and that's awesome, yeah, and I've seen the Lord close some doors and you know, and I thank the Lord for it, all he's got to, I do, and it's just just long as we're obedient, it's better than sacrifice, and the sacrifice will come easy once we're obedient yes, that's the key right there.
Speaker 2:I was about to say that people think they got to sacrifice before they can be obedient. You be. I've tried it. I did it don't work well even with my problems.
Speaker 1:You know dealing with what we're you know we've talked about I try to sacrifice this and that. No Lord, just be obedient.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the last in the last few months. You know that would dip and I tried to quit on my own multiple times and I never could. I was like Lord, I'm trying to quit for you. But then I started to do things that he asked me to do and it was easy to give it up. I I'm going on three months now, no nicotine in my system.
Speaker 1:I vowed to the Lord. I'll tell you this real quick before we do in. So I vowed to the Lord to quit smoking. I said I'll lay it down, lord, if you do this for me. Two or three days there he did it for me and about a month's time I picked it back up. But when I come back to the Lord, the Lord says you remember that vow. Yes.
Speaker 1:That was the first thing that the Lord corrected in my life besides salvation the gift you got to take care of that vow. And it wasn't a few months after that I took care of that vow and it's like the obedience he said see, james, you be obedient. That sacrifice is a lot easier, is it?
Speaker 2:not A lot easier?
Speaker 1:And right now I'm going on almost four and a half years now, no cigarettes. I smoked like a freight train, not to give glory to it yeah but I smoked three packs a day, maybe four yeah I mean I smoked. That's what I like to do. Nobody can take it from me exactly that I was. I was of age. You can't do it to me, you know I was the same way with dipping.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when I wanted to dip, I was putting a dip in. You won't tell me otherwise, but the lord's that craving has it's what, it's what takes away from the lord yeah the words should lay down yeah and in, and that cigarettes took precedent over the lord.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah yeah, that was. I mean, the first thing when I get up in the morning was a dip in. Yeah, it wasn't getting up and reading and praying is getting up putting that dip morning was a dip in. It wasn't getting up and reading and praying, it was getting up and putting that dip in Putting a dip in yeah, I know what you're saying and so you know thankful. You know that obedience led to the sacrifice being a lot easier, but I appreciate you for having me on here.
Speaker 1:It was wonderful having you and I'll have his link. Is it okay to put your Facebook link up there? Have his link. Is it okay to put your facebook link up there? I'll tag you and if you have an email, uh, email it to me and I'll put it up there on the uh on the board and that way if anybody wants to contact you can contact them. Um and um. I thank the lord. If you want to end it in prayer, go ahead, sir dear heavenly father, lord god.
Speaker 2:I just come before you, lord, thanking you, lord, for what you're going to do through this. Lord god, and the lives that you're going to touch. Lord jesus, we thank you for everything that you do. Lord, thank you for your mercy and your grace. Lord god, thank you for salvation. God, I ask that you continue to touch brother jd, lord god and his ministry, lord, and just increase, lord god, increase it, increase it, lord, god, help us. Lord, god, each day, lord, to speak life. Lord, not death, but to speak life to everyone we come in contact with Lord and share the love of Jesus with each person we come in contact with. I thank you, lord, and I ask that you'd go with us, lord, as we leave tonight. Lord, and go with us throughout the week and touch whoever it is that does listen to this, lord, anoint their ears, lord, and let it speak to them.
Speaker 1:Lord, god, thank you for all that you do. It's in your name we pray, amen, amen. Hey, it's your host, jd. You're listening to 421 show. Hey, if you guys like to support the show, you can support it through paypal, slashor421, or you go to the website HOR421showbuzzsproutcom. You can donate from $3 to $10 monthly. Become a monthly subscriber and all shows are recorded live, no post editing, recorded at the 421 studio. For all your contact information, for all your studio needs, you can email me at HOR421ministries at gmailcom, or you can phone at 239-849-1502.
