421 Show
(Hand Of Refuge Ministry.) Hello, my name is James Keith (JD) This podcast is part of my ministry. God says to take the gospel to the highways and hedges compel lost. We all come from different walks of lives, but one thing we all have in common is we have a testimony to share.
In this podcast I want share Gods testimonies, the word of God, all his goodness.
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421 show: Host Jd.
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Cawood Church Of God.
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Will feature Guest Testimony. And Gust Preachers
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This Program will feature live audio recorded Messages only from Cawood Church Of God. Sunday morning Service.
If you would like to share your testimony contact hor421ministry@gmail.com.
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24 hour prayer service, 1st Saturday of the month @ The Cawood Church of God. Harlan Ky.
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421 Show
Sarah Grace's Journey: Embracing Faith and Resilience Through Personal Loss, Overcoming Adversity, and Finding a New Identity in Christ—A Testament to Hope and Transformation
Discover the transformative power of faith and resilience through the poignant journey of our special guest, Sarah Grace, who shares her tumultuous upbringing in Harlan, Kentucky. She opens up about the deep personal losses she faced and how her grandmother's unwavering love for God became her guiding light through the storm. Sarah’s testimony is a heartfelt reminder of how faith can provide solace and strength, offering hope and peace even in our darkest moments.
We then journey through powerful stories of redemption and spiritual growth, exploring personal battles with feelings of inadequacy, addiction, and the quest for self-worth. Listen to narratives that highlight the crucial turning points in life, from military struggles marked by heavy drinking to the quest for recovery and self-discovery. Participants share how their spiritual paths helped them overcome deep-seated emotional pain and the realization that suffering can lead to a higher purpose when viewed through the lens of faith.
Finally, embrace the healing power of truth, love, and forgiveness as we discuss the profound transformation that comes with embracing faith in Jesus. Uncover stories of overcoming adversity and addiction, shedding light on the path to a new identity through Christ. This episode emphasizes the importance of letting go of past burdens and finding connection and hope in relatable stories, urging listeners to move forward with renewed strength and belief in the possibilities of a life transformed by faith.
I would like to welcome everyone to the show enjoy and God bless everyone.
hey, it's your host, jd. You're listening to 421 show. Hey, check out our website at hor421showbuzzsproutcom for all your latest content and information. Remember to turn in to Bible Talk with Sister Deb Osborne every week. You can also listen to her show on WUIC 88.1 Christian Radio Station every Sunday at 5 pm. You can also find Bible Talk and much more on the 421 Show on Google, apple, spotify or whatever platform you choose to listen to. If you'd like to contact Sister Deb, you can email her at osborne-debra-k at gmailcom. If you'd like to support the show, you can support it through PayPal, slash HOR421, or you can go through the website at. All shows are recorded live, no post editing, recorded at the 421 studio. For contact information for all your studio needs, you can email at Phone number is 239-849-1502.
Speaker 1:Praise the Lord. I'd like to welcome everybody to the show and we have a special guest with us today and I hope I don't mess her name up. Her name is Sarah Grace. Yes, sir, amen, I'm bad with names, I'm sorry. Good, yeah, just pronunciation of people's names. But she's going to share with us her testimony and I am super stoked about hearing how, uh, what god has done for her. And uh, sarah, it's your platform all right.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for having me yes I just want to appreciate everyone for listening and the Lord's definitely brought me through a very deep and lonely place and I hope this touches your heart and if you know anyone or yourself that is going through this, I hope that when you hear this the Lord will touch you and bring healing, like he's brought me. So I'll go ahead and start with a little bit from earlier. So I grew up here in Harlan, kentucky, and my mother was pretty much a single mother. My stepdad was on drugs pretty bad growing up so she had a lot of the responsibility with raising us. So I grew up seeing the mom and the woman of the household take, stand and be very independent. So I kind of took some of that with me later in life. But she worked full time and, yeah, a lot of that weight started adding stress to her and I grew up in a very tense household where we were always reading her body language and didn't want to make her upset or anything like that and I was always called very emotional. I didn't really fit in too much. I was always just wanting to make other people feel better or just felt like something was much more wrong than what I was seeing and I knew it was supposed to be different, but I would go to my grandmother's house on the weekend. She lived in Lowell and we would do like the basics. She taught me my moral values and she learned that from the Lord. But I stopped going with her, I think, when I was about 12 years old and kind of ventured away from that. But she instilled that love for God within me pretty early. I would pray with her every night and she, I don't know, she just made me really love the Lord the way she lived, the way she loved Just a wonderful influence on my brother and sister and I. It was that peace that we had on the weekends that we weren't getting during the week at home with all the arguing between my mom and stepdad. So that was a wonderful place to be.
Speaker 2:But when I was 15, she ended up having a drug overdose and passed away, and shortly after my grandmother passed away as well. She had got Alzheimer's first and then passed. But that's when my life really started getting really shaky. That's where it began and I was really during this time trying to hold on, to hope. That was the only thing that wasn't gonna leave was my hope. That's what I had and that's definitely from the Lord and that was keeping me going all those years. So we moved in with my grandmother and we um before she passed away and we didn't have water for times, we didn't have electricity for times. We'd go next door and get water from our neighbors and that really instilled into me a very humble heart and I know pretty sure Jesus grew up in a in Nazareth which was that rich of an area.
Speaker 1:Yeah, pretty rough.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I don't know. In a way it kind of it's not that great going through it at the point at that point. But you learn to appreciate the little things.
Speaker 1:I agree with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you do and help others when they're in that space and just have empathy for others. So I am grateful now that I went through that and learned those lessons over time. And then, a little bit before that, I had been assaulted by a family member a few months after my mom passed away and no one believed me or anything. Passed away and no one believed me or anything and I, shortly after I was saved, I was thinking about Jesus and I was thinking you know what? No one believes him either. I said, jesus, I feel you deep in my soul that you went through all this for us and you were telling us the truth the whole time and we just wouldn't listen. You literally you died. You gave us the biggest sacrifice for us. You gave us your life. So that really connected with it.
Speaker 2:And well, I ended up moving to Richmond with my brother and staying with him for a few months going to school up there. So, as you can tell, I moved around a few times at this point. So I'm getting very good at um, what do you call that?
Speaker 2:adapting adapting I've been there, done that I'm getting very good at adapting at this point to new places and new things, so yeah, that's what it was with me growing up.
Speaker 1:It was adapting. Yeah, I mean, I can remember like 10 different schools in one year really yeah, and you and you just learn, just adapt or keep quiet.
Speaker 2:That's true, yeah, and usually it's the keeping quiet part, because you're already getting so much hurt at home that you don't want anyone else to bring more hurt to you. It's hard to do that.
Speaker 1:It's hard to let people into your life, one when you're not around and two when you've got problems at the home. You learn to put on that. I'm not even 10 years old and I'm learning how to be deceptive with my life. I definitely can't relate to you a lot on that yeah, putting like a mask on and yeah of others.
Speaker 2:Um, like I did kind of with my mom, putting a mask on and covering up those feelings or suppressing them.
Speaker 1:I'd walk in eggshells, me and my sister.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We couldn't. I grew up Now this is, I don't know about you, but my mom. You couldn't touch her because she would freak out. And I can be honest with you maybe a handful of times that I can remember and I'm not lying about this, maybe five times, Not a handful that I've actually held my mom in love. I knew she loved me, I knew she cared, but she didn't know how to express that love. She couldn't teach us how to express that love.
Speaker 2:Same my mom. She grew up in a very oh not a good household and her mother was not that loving or not loving toward her, very much, very chaotic and I don't know.
Speaker 2:But she did a much better job raising us than her mother did with her right, she was, like I said, a single mom and she took all of her time and her energy providing for us. So of course you, you know, looking back, that stress and all that, I'm sure it was due, but she didn't have a release except through those kind of things and that's what the community here in Harlan and other areas surrounding it, a lot of people are going into addiction to find that peace. Addiction to find that peace and these curses, these generational curses which are real, coming down in their family and they're trying to fulfill that missing piece. And they're looking in the wrong direction. They're looking left and right and down, but the only place people aren't looking is up, you know.
Speaker 1:Man, I know right.
Speaker 2:So, instead of going toward all these different drugs and what the crowd is doing and all of that and that feeling that you're feeling deep inside, just don't even try any of that. Just go directly to the source.
Speaker 1:Amen to that.
Speaker 2:And he'll show you the truth. There's many times in my life I kind of like I wish I didn't go down that road. Amen to that, and he'll show you the truth.
Speaker 1:There's many times in my life I kind of like I wish I didn't go down that road, but I did.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I can't say I regret it because I wouldn't be where I'm at today, but I would say, though I would if I had the opportunity, not to go down that road, knowing what I know now.
Speaker 2:I probably wouldn't.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you would call that regret or just a change of heart.
Speaker 2:I don't know there's a few things I'm going to talk about in a minute that I wrote down that kind of pinpoint, how we can turn. You know God always turns our bad into good and we can use it for a better purpose. So I think there's always a reason for everything. Maybe some things God would not have wanted to happen, but he can turn it for our good and help us, help others with it, like this testimony right here. So let's see here. Okay, well, I got myself together.
Speaker 1:Amen to that.
Speaker 2:And I lost some weight and joined the Air Force and I was so excited I was just ready to go. I think I lost 60 pounds and I was like, okay, well, here we go. Got at that point in my life I wasn't going to church, but I always felt, when I was down or something, a connection to him and I would go read the Bible. Or just when I was feeling really down, just go straight to him and during basic training I would read my Bible and I always felt better after. But I wasn't saved at that point when I had said the prayer too. Like growing up I'd went to church a few times, I'd said the prayer.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I had done all that. So I don't think I knew what I was doing at that point, what I was committing to Right or who I was committing to, I mean. So yeah, I don't. I wasn't raised in church.
Speaker 1:So, whatever little church that I actually went to, our grandmother drug me to church and so I knew a few bible stories and but not the whole story. But uh, yeah I, I came to the lord just on faith yeah literally, I was like, if you're real, then let's do this. That's basically my prayer.
Speaker 2:That's amazing yeah, that's all you have to have yeah, that's all you have to have it seems more. It seems more difficult, but it's like a childlike faith that's basically what it was.
Speaker 1:I was reverted back to a little two-year-old and let's just do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, born again, literally yeah um, let's see. So shortly after I made it to my first base, I think on the way there, I'd picked up a gallon of titos. I don't know if y'all know what that is, but it's a really big gallon alcohol.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Vodka and I went to my dorm and I think I had the whole thing done within like four days and I wasn't drinking a lot before that, so that was a lot just for me. I think I was like 130 at that point.
Speaker 1:It is a lot. Yeah, it was a lot just for me.
Speaker 2:I think I was like 130 at that point. It is a lot. Yeah, not that good, but I was doing it because I was surrounded by all these new people and I wanted to put off a good impression. I thought that the person that I was wasn't good enough to be around all these people and I wanted to make the best impression I could and just be a free thinker and connect with people without having any anxiety hold me back. So I began drinking. I think that's when COVID started 2019.
Speaker 1:I got home in 2020.
Speaker 2:So we weren't going to work yet. We were going every so often, but we were mainly in our dorms. So I spent until, I think, august, just drinking, partying, doing whatever I wanted to. And yeah, drinking, partying, doing whatever I wanted to, and then shortly after that is when I got my first DUI. So I went to. I was going over to PCB, I lived in the Panama City Beach area.
Speaker 1:I've got a friend that's a cop down there really, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll tell you the story might have been your friend actually might have been. He was a beach cop well, I had drank a good amount and I was heading over to Panama City Beach and I fell asleep. I don't know how, but I got on the side of the road and I was just sleeping on the side of the road in the car.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And then a cop came and knocked on my door and woke me up and it turns out he was from Harlan Kentucky.
Speaker 1:Wow, no, he wasn't my friend. No, I don't know him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he let me go, and he had someone come and get me. He knew that I was intoxicated, Right, but that's why he had someone come and get me. But I got lucky and I went home. Someone came and got my car, but then I went out again and I made it all the way to Panama City Beach and kept drinking more. And then they had. The people I was with had put the bottle in my back seat, or maybe I had taken it Right, I don't remember much and so there was an open bottle in my car. So I drove all the way to Tenderlo. Particular Air Force base blacked out. I had no idea how I got there, but I woke up right in front of the base. Wow, I mean, that was only God. There's no way that I would have made it.
Speaker 1:Blacked out like that, I would have run you know?
Speaker 2:there's no way. How can it count? My tire had popped. That's why they pulled me over. Wow, and I had done a U-turn trying to get back on the base because I had just passed it and the cop was right there as I was doing a U-turn and he pulled me over and said don't you know your tire's popped? And I was doing a U-turn and he pulled me over and said don't you know your tires popped? And I was like it was just not good. So that's where the shame came in. And directly after that, that's when it hit really hard. I just started my Air Force career and I already have a DUI seven months, in which is pretty normal, I guess, for some military people. They like to joke about it and say that's something that happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:At least one DUI you know in the military Right, but it's not really that funny when it's you.
Speaker 1:No, not when you've got to pay the price for it. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I spent a lot of time in doing a program at the hospital on the base for ADAPT, I think, so you can get a recovery program.
Speaker 2:So this is the beginning of my recovery programs that I went to Passed out with flying colors they let me go really easily with that. And yeah, so I had met my ex-husband, I think, a few months after that. I couldn't drive on base for a year after that because I got pulled over on base, so it's not on my schooling record, thankfully and met him and I was drinking a lot and then when he started to notice that I was drinking too much, I would start hiding it. I hid it in the closets, I would hide it in my purse. I would hide it in my purse, I would hide it under the sink Anywhere I could. I'd be drinking all the time every day Just to keep that shame and guilt suppressed and not let anyone know who the real me was, which I don't know why I was trying to hide that, not let anyone know who the real me was, which I don't know why I was trying to hide that, because that's what I was searching for was the real person inside of me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in reality, I was just waking up drunk and going to bed drunk, seven days a week.
Speaker 2:I thought about it and maybe it's well Satan not wanting us to find out who we are.
Speaker 1:Well, you know I speak a lot on this show about identity crisis. Yeah, you know, in our society today, the world it's facing what we call an identity crisis. If he can change who we are, then he's changed the real person inside of us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, he changed the real person inside of us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, from our names to what our physical appearance looks like. You know if he could change that. You know that's what his whole goal is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think too, maybe a lot of people growing up, maybe even myself, if that was a way I could find my identity and be accepted. Who knows, that may have been something that I searched for too.
Speaker 2:that's just a another deceit from satan that he likes to use, and now he's using the younger generation to, because he's already got the middle one with drugs and that sort of thing. If you all have noticed, that's a majority of people in that age bracket, so they're getting the children now. I mean, it's just as plain as day, though. I mean, if you can confuse people on their identity and have them change themselves, how are they going to? Why would they come to God if they don't feel accepted? At that point, like if you've already went through the change and all of that, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Because my alcohol buddies, they accepted who I was. You know, I was a little loud, a little obnoxious. They didn't care, they was too, you know. And we did it together and we had fun, went home, did our thing, went back to do it again.
Speaker 2:But if you, I don't know. I feel like every person has that little bit in them that says this isn't right or this isn't enough.
Speaker 1:It isn't enough, yeah.
Speaker 2:This doesn't feel fulfilling. I don't feel truly myself, and that's how you can be and find yourself is through him. That's what we're all searching for.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:We're searching in our identity for him, and we just don't know it.
Speaker 1:That's one of the first things God had showed me when I first come back to God, who I was, and I think that was the Lord opening my eyes seeing how much I've changed just in that short few years that I'd walked away from him. You know how much the devil had an impact on who I was in God. And he just turned around and said James, I'm going to show you who you are. And that's what he opened my eyes to. A lot of things, a lot. Even still today, I'm finding out more and more about myself. The more closer I walk with God that I get, the more I find out who I am in christ yeah, the more you learn about him yeah, I know we actually.
Speaker 1:The more we learn about god, we find out who we truly are, because we are god's creature, creatures. We're made in his image. So we do have the characteristics of god, and ain't you know that? Just sometimes I just can't fathom that, or this makes my mind go bonkers, you know, to even try to think about that. I have the same characteristics as the one that created the heavens and the earth.
Speaker 2:I know the sky, the stars.
Speaker 1:I know right.
Speaker 2:You think about that. You look up at night and you're like, wow, the God that created all this knows my name.
Speaker 1:Knows my name and has me written in the palm of his hands.
Speaker 2:Yes, knows every hair on my head and knows my heart from the inside out.
Speaker 1:That's right, he does.
Speaker 2:It's just a beautiful thing once you accept Jesus and you truly get to know him.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I'll continue that I guess.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, continue on.
Speaker 2:Let's see here when am I at.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I got you twisted on that, no that was a beautiful conversation.
Speaker 2:I'm glad we had that. That's really important right now and I hope a lot of viewers can take that as well as I don't know. I don't want to be apologetic about it anymore.
Speaker 1:I try not to be apologetic as much. I used to be one of those people pleasers. You know I'm sorry. You know I didn't want to hurt nobody Because I did. I find comfort in people. You know chasing after. You know that acceptance that you didn't get when you know being home and you know I would try to apologize. I would try to. You know. You know, please, somebody, even if I didn't know. You know I didn't want people to dislike me or hate me. Now I'm at the point in my life that, no, I don't want them to hate me or dislike me, but I'm at the point now I really don't care. But I do care but I don't care. It's a balance there I guess I'm trying to find.
Speaker 2:I kind of think of it like people. Pleasing is something you do to defend yourself and think true love it's telling someone the truth. No matter how bad it hurts yes I want you to tell me the truth yes because one day I've heard this off the podcast too when jesus texts us all up, I don't want to look down at you and you say, sarah, why didn't you tell me that's it went out and we had dinner together, sarah, why? Didn't you tell me? We went out and we had dinner together.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:Why didn't you tell me about this? Oh, I didn't want to be a crazy Christian, or I didn't want to be crazy about Jesus. No, I want to tell you the truth because I love you.
Speaker 1:Well, when I was I've mentioned this plenty of times on the show, but when, you know, I was out and seeing this last go around, I was screaming on the inside. Somebody helped me. I've watched people that I went to church with this walk by, you know, not saying a word, but you could see, they knew on their face. You know, you could. Just you didn't have to be a prophet or have just great discernment, you can just read it and they knew it, you know. And it's like, why ain't you talking to me? And and just the other day I was at one of the convenience stores and and I heard the lord say I want you to ask this guy, is he still in church? I didn't know where it was going to lead and he goes. No, but I've been thinking about it. And I said I went up to him and I said I just heard the spirit tell you, tell me that, to tell you that jesus loves you. And I, I just turned around and I heard a murmur in his voice. He said this is strange.
Speaker 1:I want to be that person that when I'm walking and I see somebody, I know for a fact that they're not in church, I want to go to them. They're not in church. I want to go to them. You know, I want to be. I don't want to be that person that sits there and wavers about going to this person. If it's of God or if it's not of God, you know, because I'll be honest with you, I think it is of God, no matter what the situation is, because we are to speak that love, you know, to God, about God to them.
Speaker 2:Well, we know the truth now yeah, these gals are off yeah see the whole truth now, that's right and it's our job here on earth to do that. And I don't care what I have to share, I'll tell everything yeah, well if I can get you, because I love you like Christ has loved me and forgiven me mm-hmm if I can get you to him, oh that.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to share it and lay it out on the table. I don't want people to think ill of me or think something. You know it is what it is. You know I was out in sin. I did it.
Speaker 2:Well, you're doing it from your heart.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's not like you're judging anyone or anything. There's a difference between judging and telling people the truth, it's true? Yeah, I think a lot of people get that mixed up, like I don't want to judge them for doing this wrong thing, but I don't know which verse it is. But you will know them by their fruit.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So if you see your family member doing something that doesn't glorify God or as a follower of Jesus, you're supposed to call them out on that. You're not supposed to let them continue doing it. That's not judging, that's saving them, that's letting them know or keeping them accountable. It's truth, because people are watching. People are watching how you present yourself. Every move you make, you're doing it as a person of Christ, right, like little Christians. Yeah, little Christ Christians.
Speaker 1:That's right, little Christ.
Speaker 2:You're representing him in this world. So everything you do you have to think about. Don't gossip about people. If Jamie's wearing a short skirt, okay, that's fine. Why don't you go talk to her in the bathroom or something? Maybe there's a proper way of going about doing it. Yeah, don't start doing it everywhere and make a big old thing out of it, because all that's going to do is give people a church hurt and pull them away when people aren't around around why you need to talk about him.
Speaker 2:You didn't hear jesus talking about anybody like that. No, you didn't. So, yeah, I don't like gossip.
Speaker 1:It's not my nothing no gossip is a uh, that is a killer in anything. If it be in secular church, that'll kill it right there.
Speaker 2:That kills the heart. That kills the heart and it brings people away from God.
Speaker 1:It don't matter how minute or how big the gossip is, it will flat out kill somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you can think about it. They're already going through something at home and they're coming to church to get that relief and they're just finding more judgmental people or people that are putting them down. Where are you going to go? Right, you have nowhere to go at that point. So, um, but after the DUI, all that worked out, I'll get back to that. And um started dating my ex-husband and I ended up getting pregnant the next year, I believe, and I don't know. That's a big reason that we were together, so I already felt unwanted in that, so I did stop drinking, though when I got pregnant, I did stop drinking for that period of time was that hard no, it wasn't um I always wondered that, because I've heard people you know just said he's quick, old turkey I don't know how by by the grace of God I did.
Speaker 2:I had went and bought like a Mike Hart seltzer or something and I went to. I just found out I was pregnant and I went to go take a drink of it. I was like I can't do this. There's a baby in me.
Speaker 2:So I'm lucky that I didn't continue doing that, but there's a lot of people that have a harder time getting off of that, and I'm going to hopefully share more on how people can get a relief from that later on as we continue talking. But yeah, so I had her and everything went well. Everything went well. And then three months after during that time we started arguing a lot. We just, I don't know, when we got married it was like a I love you, but I'm not like an obligation.
Speaker 2:I feel like it was his obligation to do it. I didn't feel loved. So at this point in my life I'm like, well, this is what love is. People have to love me. You know, because of this, like in the Air Force, they were there for me because they had to be, or, you know, I just never felt worthy.
Speaker 2:So he went on a deployment shortly after that and I had just started drinking and drinking and I finally went to go visit my family in Ohio and I told them what was going on. I said, hey, I've really got a problem. And I told them because I had my daughter and I was like I can't continue to do this with her, like I can't be this kind of mom. I don't want to be this mom, like I want to be the mother she deserves.
Speaker 2:So I went on my first inpatient visit I think it was 13 days, terrified, and I met some really wonderful people but very broken people that were looking for the answer and no one could tell us what the answer was. They could tell us what was going on in our mind at times and how to do some breathing techniques and maybe get down to the root issues of the trauma you've experienced in your life, how your childhood has affected your adulthood. They could tell us that, but we already knew that. We didn't know. I didn't know how to heal from that, how to heal from that. So I came back and I think I was sober for maybe a couple weeks and I started drinking again and my ex-husband flew back from his deployment early so I could go inpatient again. I went several. I think I went four times total.
Speaker 1:And this was back in Panama.
Speaker 2:City Beach. So I went again and he came back to get everyone. So there's just another thing of shame. He knows about it now. I was hiding it for so long I thought he didn't know about it. I'm sure he did.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But I was hiding it for so long. I thought he didn't know about it. I'm sure he did, but I was hiding it for so long and now it's all out there. I'm just sitting there in this inpatient unit trying to work on my feelings and trying to find an answer. I think I picked up a Bible every now and then, but I didn't know how to read it. I couldn't understand it or anything.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So I got out and I was sober for about six months after the second visit and then I was driving past. I did good too. I got a new home, all that. We were getting divorced. At that point, right, it was like yeah, I'm not doing this with you, we're getting a divorce.
Speaker 2:So I was over for about six months and I was without evelyn because we were doing a that's my daughter's name a week on, week off parenting plan right so during that week I'd have off, I would, I don't know, spend a lot of time with like men and try to fulfill a part in me, other like I don't know, fill that hole in my heart with something I couldn't do with alcohol. So now it it's like okay, well, I'm going to start dating now and see if that fills it and I mean it would feel it would be okay for a minute, like I'd feel wanted, I feel accepted, you know, and then Because you really are, but it's only for a moment.
Speaker 2:For a moment. Well, because they want something from me or they um, they didn't see my real value and I definitely did not see my real value of who I was. And so that got kind of old and I was driving past the gas station and I drove back and forth about three times and I finally went and picked up. It was, uh, cinco de Mayo, something like that. Yeah, went and picked up some margaritas and started drinking and from there I drank four months straight, something like that. It was so bad.
Speaker 2:I was drinking on the job. That was to the point where everyone knew at the squadron, which is where I worked at in the military. Everyone knew because I had missed so much work for one and that I always smelled like alcohol. I blamed it on hand sanitizer or something. It was just very embarrassing and I couldn't ask for their forgiveness or change their way of thinking toward me, which killed me. I wanted to, so bad. I wanted them to see me as this awesome person who has done all these great things, but that just couldn't happen. I couldn't get forgiveness for them or have them see me that way, and that's not really mattered.
Speaker 2:That's what mattered to me at that point, though, was how they viewed me, so my ex had tried to get full custody at that point, so I started freaking out and kind of just gave up. You know, he told me I was not being a good mom, and I wasn't, and that hit me. I was like what? The shame already. I mean I don't blame him for telling me that, but the shame already was just piled up, and I didn't know what to do with all of it. I was just carrying it, so I got in another car wreck shortly after that um on base and totaled my car, and I had to go to the hospital, and my first sergeant came up and I just kept telling her I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I was begging, for I feel like they thought I was begging for attention, and maybe I was. I was yelling for someone to help me. It was like someone help me, yeah, and they were doing the best they could by putting me inpatient. I guess that's what they knew they could do, but I needed more help. Like I had done all the counseling, I went inpatient like I needed more help.
Speaker 2:Like I had done all the counseling, I went inpatient, like I said four times 30 day visits for the other three Um. So I have around a hundred days of inpatient, constantly from 6am till 9pm, going over um therapy sessions all day long, trying to figure out what's wrong with me, what's not working, what will work. I applied it all in my mind. I did. I applied it all, but there was something that couldn't shake and that was the guilt and shame of my past. I couldn't shake it. It would come, it. It would come knocking again as soon as I was good and be like hey, remember when you did this and this will make you feel better.
Speaker 2:Just temptation after temptation, yeah, and I think I was addicted to the lack of feelings it gave me toward what needed to be fixed. But I was too far gone to even try at that point, because I tried everything else. I was like, well, I give up. So after the wreck, I lost my car and I was just at home full time. And I was just at home full time and I was feeling suicidal and I didn't want to try anymore.
Speaker 2:I thought I was a terrible mother. I had lost my marriage, I had lost my career, I had lost my car, I had lost everything I had worked for and I'd lost everything I'd worked for. And I'd lost my respect. That's a big one. I'd lost my respect for mothers and myself. So I went to the beach and they had given me some sleeping pills and I took some on the beach and I just sat back and I was like, okay, well, lord, I'm coming to be with you. Now, mom, I'm coming to be with you. That's what I genuinely thought. I thought that I was going to go to heaven because I had done some good in my life, that I wasn't terrible enough to go to hell because I had done some good in my life that I wasn't terrible enough to go to hell, right.
Speaker 2:The only way that we are not going to hell is if we have the Holy Spirit living within us.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:If I would have died at that point, I would have been in hell right now, and I say that with complete truth. I was a drunkard. It's not a good person, and it doesn't even matter if you're a good person. No one is good, but God Jesus even said that. So no amount of good you do and that's where I really want to implement this no amount of good, whether you think you're a good person or not. You've volunteered 100,000 hours at the homeless shelter, you support a family or you've just lived a quote good life, that's not what gets you to heaven. Accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior and getting the Holy Spirit is the only way to heaven. There is no other way. Do not be deceived. I was deceived During that time.
Speaker 2:When I was on the beach, my brother called me and I told him. I said I don't want to die. And I told him. I said I don't want to die. I was crying and an ambulance came in and got me from the house. My stepdad had just came down. He was saved about three years before that, the one who was on drugs for a while, but he's totally sober now. He's doing great. So he came there to support me during that time, poor thing, I got back and was like I guess the ambulance is coming. I didn't care, I didn't care about anyone. All my respect was gone. So he was just praying. He was freaking out. He was like what do I do? And I was like I don't care.
Speaker 2:I didn't care, I didn't care. That breaks my heart that some people are in that mindset, but let me tell you that is not worthless. You are worthy, you are loved. Why would God send his only son to come down here and be crucified on a cross and lashed I don't know how many times after living a righteous life? Why would he do that, if you aren't worthy of that love, if you weren't someone special to him?
Speaker 2:Okay, so I went to the hospital and I was intubated and I woke up and I couldn't move my body or anything. And I couldn't move my body or anything. But all I heard was her alcohol level was above this amount and they couldn't believe it was that high. And I was like, well, I'm paralyzed. Now I've done paralyzed myself. I just remember crying a little bit and I was like Lord, just help me go to sleep. So Satan tried to take my life at that point but didn't work, thankfully. So I went inpatient again after that and it was only for a little bit. I think that's the fourth one, I don't know I I get them mixed up. There's a lot of times I went yeah, they made me go inpatient because I was in there and they had to keep a watch over me because I was suicidal. So I went back again.
Speaker 2:At that point I got in there I think it was the third time in that establishment, didn't care, I'd already done the go. I was like this isn't helping me, right, you're not helping me. Nothing you said has helped. I was very angry that I was alive too, but I think that was some very dark spirits within me that were very upset that I was still alive because they almost had me. They did. I think that was some very dark spirits within me that were very upset that I was still alive Because they almost had me. They did so I told them.
Speaker 2:I finally I said I want to get out of the Air Force, I can't do it anymore. I got my medical retirement. They diagnosed me with all that. I went through a big psych exam, so very legit. So I went through that and I was out about a month later and I moved back to Kentucky, still drinking All day. Every day I had to go to like a Mexican restaurant and just eat and drink and sit there on my phone alone because I didn't have any friends and I didn't want to be around anyone either. I was isolated, but I was still drinking. I was just shame Horrible. I was just shame Horrible. And then I drank until August. If I had money, I was drinking.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would drink and then I would get sick, my mouth would break out out, I'd puff up, couldn't eat for days or anything like that. I drank like five days in a row and just be like. I could tell I was like, I felt like I was dying, but I kept on drinking anyway. Um, it's the only thing that I need to clear my mind. And then I started smoking marijuana, which a lot of people say God grew it, it's okay, but he also tells us to be sober minded.
Speaker 1:I think there's a little bit of an adultness that's got to go with that. You've got to be a little bit level-headed in thinking like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I hear people a lot say well, lord grew, it, is it herb? Yeah, it is. But common sense too comes along with a lot of things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I can definitely relate on the institute problem. I was mentally instituted.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:I was instituted when I was a child.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1:Forcibly took it away through the state. Oh, and that laid heavy on me. You know, the school telling me they can't do nothing with me. Mom's like she can't do nothing with me. Okay, then we'll just send them off and take them to a pavilion. And I was mentally instituted, you know, drugged. I can remember the day they took me in there. I didn't know what was happening. It took five guys and a needle to hold me down and they strapped me to a gurney and I laid there for hours and, you know, finally woke up from the drugs that you know they administered to me. So I'm stuck in a mental institution with some legit crazy people. Yeah, that freaked me out. Woo, they got it worse, you know than.
Speaker 1:I did. I thought I had it bad, but no, I can't. I can relate a lot on that. Yeah, I'm sorry, had it bad, but no, I can't.
Speaker 2:I can relate a lot on that. I'm sorry you had to go through that growing up.
Speaker 1:A lot of that stuff I kind of wish I never did go through growing up. Where would I be where I'm at today? Just a few weeks ago I was sitting here and I said, lord, why am I going through all this stuff in my life? And I was just sitting there and then Lord brought it back to my memory. The reason so you can help other people. You know that man laid at that pool for 40 some years, I guess, if I got it right. Reason why Because Jesus can heal you, so people can see that healing. So, james, you went through all of this so you can help Tommy and Sally and Susie and Bill. Let them know that there's hope. That's the reason why I went through all of it. Why did Lazarus have to die? So the people to realize that they had to help him take off the gray clothes? So the people realized that they had to help them take off the great clothes.
Speaker 2:That Jesus is the one that saves us from sin and resurrected him from the death. I think God also uses that to build, like you said, build our character as well. And what's the word for it? Resiliency.
Speaker 1:Yes, I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, resiliency to go through any trial. You've been through like really tough ones, so now you can conquer anything, especially with him.
Speaker 1:You're sitting here and you're talking in your testimony and it's like man, we can relate a lot and I'm like you. I was like I wish she didn't have to go through all that. But then the Lord brings back to my memory the reason why she had to go through all that, so she can help somebody going through it Don't realize that there is hope and help out there.
Speaker 2:There is, and a lot of people just don't know where that is.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And I didn't know who to go to. It was like I knew there was a God. I knew there was, but I didn't know how to get to him. God, I knew there was, but I didn't know how to get to him. Or I just thought he was a very distant phenomenon or whatever, just out there, you know, doing his own thing. I didn't think that he knew anything about me on a deep level. I thought he had more bigger fish to fry, but you know, I didn't give him much credit. Who?
Speaker 1:am I? You know that's what I say, Lord, really. I mean, you know I didn't give them much credit. Who am I? You know that's what I say, Lord, really. I mean, I barely graduated high school. They literally told me in high school that I was going to be the kid that ended up in prison. I ended up working in one, but I ended up in prison. You know, I was the kid that the teachers hated to see walk through the classroom. That's bad, Just unruly. But I'm here today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we went to Harlan High School. So if you don't mind me adding that to it, no, I went there during kindergarten.
Speaker 1:They didn't like me then either. I can remember they put a dunce hat on me and put me in the corner. I can tell you the, the kindergarten teacher's name and I remember it like it was yesterday. You know literally stuck my nose in the corner and put a hat on top of me. He told me I was not worthy.
Speaker 2:That's why it's really important, when you're younger, to treat everyone with respect.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Everyone with love. That's what Jesus exemplified love. Love one another, as I've loved you, whether they're two years old or they're 90 years old.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Respect them and love them. But going to Harlan we didn't have a lot of money with a single mom, so we didn't have the best clothes and mom struggled getting us better things so it was never enough. So I kind of got into a shopping thing when I got older too and I just bought a lot of stuff and wanted to fit in that way Now I got older too, and I just bought a lot of stuff and wanted to fit in that way.
Speaker 2:Even like till a while ago, I didn't care what I had to pay, I would just get stuff. And shopping made me feel better. It was like a void that was being filled because I can afford this stuff. But I'm getting it anyway because I can. And you run out of money doing that. It's a big thing. I think a lot of people do that too.
Speaker 1:I do it. I you know, growing up not having certain clothes or certain things, you know I didn't have good shoes growing up. I've got a mountain of shoes. Why do I need a ball? I got more shoes probably most women because it is something I didn't have growing up. You know you went got Kmart plastic shoes and I mean the truth is the truth. I mean they was worse than Converts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just, I've started like noticing small things like that.
Speaker 1:I'm like do I really need to go get a new outfit every time I go out? Do I need a new shirt, you know, because I can remember growing up having the same shirt when I was a kid all the way up to high school.
Speaker 2:Well, like tomorrow, I'm not going to remember what you wore.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, but I am going to remember how you treated me.
Speaker 1:Right. So, that's something really important to remember.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that weighs a lot more. Like you don't remember what that teacher was wearing, that put you in the corner, but you remember how she made you feel.
Speaker 1:I remember it like it was yesterday. I can remember pretty close about every detail why she put me there and what she said to me. That is what it is. Yeah, I'm sure you're very kind to children. Then that is what it is.
Speaker 2:yeah I'm sure you're very kind of children.
Speaker 1:Then yes, yes no, I, I love children yeah but I always my biggest thing growing up is I can't have kids because I don't want them to go through what I did. That's where my mindset was.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I ain't doing this, I'm not going to do this. I don't want kids, you know, because I don't want to end up like my mom. I don't want to end up like my dad, so I ended up rejecting, you know, relationships. I didn't know what true love was. You know relationships. I didn't know what true love was. And and then I then what love that I did find, you know, through um, you know adultery, you know, and then through pornography, you know, and then you know just promiscuous relationships, and and I was that's where I felt my love at, you know, and through alcohol, and just my, my, my take on love was twisted. Yeah, and I can remember that, starting at the age of five, what my, what I thought love was, and it was twisted.
Speaker 1:And, and I'm just now I'm, I'm almost 48 years old, almost 50 years old, and just now figuring out what love is, I would run from a relationship. I wasn't scared of the person. I had confidence in anything that I do. I'm a man. I'll take care of whoever I need to take care of. I'll be a man. I wasn't scared of commitment. I was scared of failing because I did not want to end up like, you know people in my life that did me wrong. I guess you can say that was fear, in a way Scared, I don't know.
Speaker 2:See, I'm the opposite. I'd get into a relationship and then do everything I could to make them want to stay with me and be too overbearing, or something like that. Right, I didn't know what true love was. I thought I had to continuously work extra hard for it, even if they weren't, and also I didn't know how to love it, even if they weren't, and also I didn't know how to love.
Speaker 2:Like I didn't know how to treat people calmly without I was really bad on jealousy. I was afraid they're gonna leave me at any point. Um, if they looked at another woman I was like, oh, you're gonna leave me my fiancee.
Speaker 1:You know that, you know that I'd lost. I showered her. You know I thought that was it. You know I thought like, okay, I'm ready. I showered her with everything and everything was legit and honest, but it just, you know, I just didn't understand. I guess I wasn't ready for you know.
Speaker 2:You know I guess I didn't understand love yeah, because once you know the gifts ran out, what are you left? What are you left with Right? Are you left with like a?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I could woo a woman from here to China. You know, I know how to be romantic, but that's not love, you know, that's just that's affection, you know, and there's nothing wrong with showing people how much you care for somebody, but truly loving somebody comes deep inside.
Speaker 2:And 48 years old now now, and I'm just now figured it out yeah so I was going to uh, let's see, I guess get to the point of where what happened after I got back to Kentucky. So Lord got me alone for that amount of time, from December to May, no, december to August and he could not let me find happiness in anything, not even one little ounce of happiness. But I wasn't suicidal. Like I said, I wasn't suicidal. Right, I said I wasn't suicidal. Um, I just wanted something and I didn't know what it was and I was just disgusted with myself, like on a different level disgusted. I would look in the mirror and be like, oh, okay, like I just stopped looking in the mirror. I was like I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 1:I hate mirrors.
Speaker 2:I do I hate mirrors.
Speaker 1:I was like Lord. Why do we have mirrors? I hate them.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I mean, I know why, because I don't like looking at myself, because I look at myself and it reminds me of the stuff that I've done when I've been. But you know, I walk past the mirror and I can hear the Lord say you need to see the true self, because that's the only way you're going to change, james, looking in that mirror and seeing who you truly are, seeing those stuff is in your life. That's my take on it. I am that man in the mirror.
Speaker 2:Good one.
Speaker 1:Good one. Yes, that's deep thoughts of Michael Jackson. I had to throw that one in wow, good one.
Speaker 2:Um, let's see. So I'd run out of money one night, I think. There's a few days I didn't have any. So I was just at home sitting on the couch watching a sermon on TV and I'd been watching her for a few days. I was getting kind of pulled to it and I knew that I wanted God in my life and I wanted help. But I didn't know really what I was going for or what I was searching for.
Speaker 2:I guess it's kind of like a last resort and I feel bad, but he was my last resort. But he was calling me during that whole year, that's for sure. And I got on my knees and I said, because the only thing I needed was to pray to God. So I said, God, I'm sorry for this and this and this. And I told him every single thing that I've done, even if I didn't think it was that bad. I told him it just in case. And I was like, well, I don't feel any different. So I continued watching the sermon and at the end of it had the sinner's prayer on there, which it doesn't really matter what you say, If you accept him. That's how it is, you know. Have faith in him and believe he's the Lord.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So I said the sinner's prayer and I accepted Jesus into my life and I asked for forgiveness of my sins and um invite him to be my Lord and savior. And I put my hands up and my eyes started fluttering. I was just like this is wonderful, but it was just a beautiful moment. It was just like I don't know. I felt like it sounds cheesy, but it was beautiful. It was like the sun was shining down. It was like 8 o'clock at night.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Then I sat down and I was like huh Well, I didn't notice much difference at that point, but I woke up the next morning and everything hit me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like a bag of bricks, or whatever you call it.
Speaker 1:When I gave my heart to God this last time, I made hell mad. I'm telling you, every devil in hell attacked me right after I prayed.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, it was like that for months.
Speaker 2:After that I prayed that I'd find some friends in Christ. Well, let me explain really quick what happens to you when you accept Christ. When you accept Him, you know you're going to be saved. Because you see sin for what it really is. You feel an unwavering amount of love for Jesus and it doesn't go away. It does not go away or waver. That's how, for me anyway. It didn't go away in the first amount of time and I didn't go back to seeing the way I used to like vaping, for instance. Looking at it, I know that's a sin now and I see it so much more worse than I did before. It's just not a good thing to do. Normal people would be like oh well, it's just vaping, it's okay. No, that's me degrading the holy temple that God has given me, because when I gave my life to Jesus I didn't know that I was giving everything to him, including my body. But that's what you get in exchange to go to heaven.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's not as simple as being a good person and just hoping you go to heaven, like you have to do. The work is the narrow path. You have to put the work in. You have to try every single day and it's not easy. It's not been easy. I've been.
Speaker 2:I didn't notice how much spiritual attacks were there when I alone, he uses fear against me from some things, like the attack when I was 15, growing up, he uses that against me and it's not easy. So it's really important to have spiritual leaders that you can talk to about it and guide you in the right direction instead of just trying to do it on your own. So and I guess the most important part of it is that I haven't thought about alcohol at all, because when that happened he gave me joy in exchange for my shame and guilt. He gave that to me, gave me so much joy. I wake up every day just excited for the day. I mean, all days aren't perfect, but I just feel an unwavering love. I don't feel lonely. I haven't felt lonely at all and I'm a single mom, which I would feel lonely all the time anyway but I just feel very loved and cared for, even when I'm getting attacked by the devil, I still feel loved and cared for and joyful, and there's not a thing that can take that away. And I think when you're so depressed for a long time and you're so sad, any joy is beautiful and you don't want to let it go. And the more you draw closer to god after this and to jesus, the more he'll draw closer to you. Amen. And it's just a beautiful exchange of love and getting to know Him better and understanding the real reason why Jesus did that and how important it is to have Him. Like I said, without Him we're not going to heaven. He's the only way through grace alone, not through works. Grace alone, not through works.
Speaker 2:So there's something I wanted to, uh, tell a few people that if you're dealing with addiction I'm going to read this out and maybe you've dealt with this or maybe you haven't but think about it from a different point of view what if everything you've ever thought about yourself is untrue? What if you are loved beyond imagination, despite your circumstances and mistakes? Jesus is your advocate. When you accept him, he declares you are worthy, you are immensely loved and you are not forgotten or written off. You will be a new creation. Now. The outward reflection won't change, but the inside person is brand new. He gives you a whole new spirit. It's beautiful. That's why you see all these people so happy. They didn't change on the outside, but that that spirit's brand new now.
Speaker 2:What if losing your children led you to him? Maybe you're weary and frightened for the future. What if he had the capability to bring your family back together? What if your father or mother abandoned you to seek refuge in unhealthy relationships, finding no peace and only hurt, whether that be physical or mental? Seek and understand and appreciate the security and love given freely by our one and true Father in heaven indescribable love.
Speaker 2:What if, in the past, you've lied and stolen and you feel like no one can trust you? God will restore everything you have lost, using the actions of your past to make better decisions in the future. What if, at one time, you were homeless? God was showing you how to care for those in need? Your empathy is from him, connecting and feeling what those souls long for love and rest, a kind hand to help. When no one sees them, you do.
Speaker 2:What if you were sexually, physically assaulted in your childhood or adulthood? These things were not from God, but Satan himself. But he uses all things for our good. To forgive someone who did this to you takes time, understanding and love. If we can forgive someone who did this in our weakest moments, we can forgive anything, but remember God does punish evil and will not let them be victorious over you in the long run. To move forward, we must forgive as he has forgiven us. So, yeah, yeah. And as far as claiming addiction like in aa, I don't attend aa. I haven't attended one meeting, um, because I don't claim, claim what Jesus has taken away from me anymore. I don't claim that over my life. It is good to talk about it and to talk about your past.
Speaker 1:I agree with you.
Speaker 2:But personally I don't feel like I want to say I'm an alcoholic, because I'm not. My identity is in Christ.
Speaker 1:Who the Son sets free is free. Indeed, yes, and now I watched my dad go through AA. He's been now what 30 years sober. You know he was a vet, you know. And so I watched my dad go through, you know, alcoholism. Aa helped him. But there is a point in your life you got to realize you're not an alcoholic, you know. Yes, I went, went through things and I was at one time I drank excessively too much, but I'm not that person yeah I'm a new creature in christ.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all things has passed away, all things has become new, and I think we lose that somewhere too. See, even the devil wants to let us change that. If he could just change a little bit of that, you know, it's the little foxes that spoil the vine. So if he could change that in us and get us to believe that, yeah, we're still this person that we used to be. We we're really not.
Speaker 2:I think of it as like a bag you're holding or something like.
Speaker 1:Baggage I love that Baggage.
Speaker 2:It's like no, but I'm an alcoholic Lord, I'm still an alcoholic.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You took it away, but I just need to hold on to it because this is who I was for so long. I'm just going to hold on to it. No, he's saying leave that right here, I'll take it to baggage, whatever.
Speaker 1:I don't think that man with palsy says I'm still a palsy person, you know. No, I've been set free. You know. I don't think that man that had some disease, or that woman with the issue of blood. I don't think she's going around and said I used to be this and I still am, but I've been set free. You know she's. No, she was set free. New creature. Agree with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but basically the whole thing of me getting on here is to let you know that when you accept Jesus into your life, these things will not have a hold on you anymore. They don't for me and I believe with my whole heart that he'll take it away from you too. We live in an area where addiction is thriving and taking away our family and our support and our foundation. Let's not let him do that anymore. Stop holding on to what's breaking your family apart. Stop holding on to your past. Hold on to Jesus and move forward. It's time to stop suffering, it's time to thrive and it's time to live, amen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was a wonderful testimony and I thank you for sharing it.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Finally got you in the studio. Took a few weeks, but finally got you in here. I was super stoked because I was, like you know, for all the listeners, you know I just reached out. I asked her because I felt led to and now I know why, the Lord, you know, because it's something to find to hear somebody go through, you know, pretty awesome testimony and that God can bring them through and stuff. But it's even more rewarding when you find somebody that you can relate to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:We vary in years apart from our age, but to know that there's somebody out there that has somewhat of the same testimony that you do or you went through, be able to relate to somebody means a lot.
Speaker 2:Know that there's somebody out there that has somewhat of the same testimony that you do or you went through. Be able to relate to somebody, it means a lot. I love that. I just found a few friends at church too. So she came up to me, one of the ladies and I live in Richmond, kentucky Right. She said you know, I think the Lord's wanting us to be friends.
Speaker 2:So I was like I don't, see it, but I was like okay, lord oh well, okay, I got together and we all have same backstory pretty much yeah like all went through almost the same things and I'm like whoa? I mean, I was praying for friends in christ.
Speaker 2:I didn't have any friends before, so it was a blank slate, um well, god starts everything new with us, so yeah, but after our we went out for black friday together and after that I got out of the car and when I did, there's a picture of jesus christ sitting right on the ground outside the van and I was like, okay, a lot of people wouldn't get that. They'd be like like, oh well, you know, but that was special to me and he does just little things like that and when you're saved, you hold on to those little things and keep them in your heart.
Speaker 1:You do, you cherish them? Yeah, they're gold. I mean, you could dangle a million dollars in front of me, but to find somebody that can relate to me is worth more than anything that this world can offer.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm glad that you feel comfortable.
Speaker 1:Because it's. Yeah, we all have a testimony and we've all had like ups and downs and some's had it worse than others and some some's not. Some's had a good life. Yeah, but see, my whole life was relating to people and trying to find out where I fit in. And seeing God says James, here's where you fit in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've never felt more like myself or more known till now well, praise the lord I feel and I know that I'm loved and that I'm worthy.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's not just a feeling, it's a, it's a truth yeah it's a hard truth well, all the listeners out there if you hear that roaring in the mics. It's pretty cold in the studio so I got the heaters going. I do apologize that for it, but I'm not going to freeze to death, not gonna have my guests freeze to death either, appreciate it? Yeah, I try to keep them off as long as I can, but yeah, it's, uh, it's awesome having you here and uh, yeah, I, I thank you and I invite you back on the show one day where you feel led. You know you've got more. You want to share a certain part of your testimony that you know the Lord says here, I want you to go. You're more than welcome to shoot me an email or message me on Facebook and we'll pencil you in.
Speaker 2:I'm sure he's got a lot more planned. I have hope again. So I'm sure we're going to, we're going to be getting it.
Speaker 1:Retired US Air Force. You know she was in the military for four years, right? So I mean, uh, that, uh, thank you for your service, appreciate it. I couldn't join the military but I did my civil duty, you know. Uh, duty, you know. Uh, you know, I got into law enforcement really, yeah, I had to stay because of my mother. Uh, one thing led to another, I was joining but I couldn't go, and because I stayed and decided to take care of my mom, yeah, I sent in a 9-11 hit. Mom just got saved 9-11 hit. I was going, you know, ready to sign the paperwork and everything. I'm ready to go.
Speaker 1:But, one thing led to another. The Lord opened doors that you know another way for me to serve. You know my country, you know, so I got to serve, not in the military, but you know through. You know my country, you know, so I got to serve, not in the military, but you know through. You know civil service type work and uh, and I thank God for it. But thank you for your service, though.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you.
Speaker 1:I have a lot of friends in the military, so I mean so yeah, and then, uh, I was a ROTC brat for like four years.
Speaker 2:A what?
Speaker 1:ROTC brat. What's that I was NJRLTC. I was the Navy Recruiting Officer Training Corps in Texas.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I lived, eat and breathe. I was actually bred to go to the military that's what it was supposed to be, but I was one of those that the Lord said nope, You're not going yeah. No, literally, I'm not you. Yeah, no, literally. Three times. Three times I went to the recruiting officers and three times it got pushed to the side and I was like there's no possible way. You know I'm scored high on my ASVAB test. You know I've done this and done that. Nope, nope, nope, nope.
Speaker 2:Not today.
Speaker 1:Not today.
Speaker 2:Different plans for you.
Speaker 1:So yeah, thank you. Can I say one more thing real quick? You can speak on here another hour.
Speaker 2:Oh well, I was just going to end it with a good prayer here.
Speaker 1:Please do yes, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Lord, I just want to thank you for bringing me here with JD. Lord, I just want to thank you for bringing me here with JD and, lord, thank you for providing this wonderful podcast he has and providing a way for people to get their testimonies out there, lord, of what you've done for us. We thank you, father, for everything you've done for us. Father, I pray for everyone listening to this.
Speaker 2:Whether they're going through addiction, whether they're going through an identity crisis, whether they're feeling unworthy or unloved, lord, just show them how loved they are, show them how wonderful and precious of souls they are too, lord, and I want everyone to do a little thing here. I want everyone to get on your knees and I want you to tell the Lord, whether you profess you're a Christian or not. I want you to get on your knees and tell him every single sin you've ever done, whether you think it's bad or not. You tell the Lord, say Lord, please forgive me of my sins. And then, after that, say Jesus, I ask you to forgive me of my sins and I accept you as my Lord and Savior. Please come into my life and fill me with your Holy Spirit and live in me the rest of my days, alrighty.
Speaker 1:Amen, glory to God. This is your host, jd, and you're listening to the 421 Show. If you guys would like to support the show, you can support it through PayPal, slash H-O-R 421, or you can go to our website at hor421showbuzzsproutcom. All shows are recorded live no post editing recorded at the 421 studio. For contact information for all your studio needs, you can email at hor421ministries at gmailcom or phone numbers 239-849-1502.
