Finding Light in Darkness: Danny Perkins' Inspirational Transformation

What if you could transform your life through faith and resilience? Meet Danny Perkins, who shares his remarkable journey of overcoming addiction, depression, and anxiety through his unwavering belief in Jesus Christ. Danny bravely recounts his past struggles with substances and the pivotal moments that led him from despair to a renewed sense of purpose. His transformation story is not just about personal redemption but also about discovering a divine calling that has empowered him to inspire others facing similar hardships.

Danny's testimony goes beyond addiction recovery, delving into profound health challenges, including a resurgence of hepatitis C. With the power of prayer and family support, he navigated these trials and experienced a miraculous recovery, reinforcing his faith in divine intervention. This episode captures Danny's journey of embracing his spiritual calling and the lessons learned through trials, highlighting the strength one can find in spiritual devotion and the significance of faith amidst life's adversities.

Tune in as we explore Danny's insights on mental health, the impact of witnessing family struggles, and the transformative power of obedience to God's will. His journey serves as a beacon of hope, illustrating that even in the darkest times, there is a path to light and redemption. Through heartfelt stories and powerful reflections, Danny invites us all to consider the profound potential for personal growth and healing through faith, obedience, and unwavering hope.

Chapters

• 0:00 Personal Testimony of Overcoming Addiction
• 10:51 God's Healing and Calling to Ministry
• 19:32 Overcoming Mental Health Struggles Through Faith
• 23:30 Divine Purpose and Overcoming Addiction
• 31:39 Lessons Learned Through Redemption and Faith
• 44:40 Transformation Through Obedience and Hope
• 51:07 Ministry, Faith, and Prayer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but will live a life of life. For God has not becometh him who is to condemn the world, but, with the heart of his heart, he that believeth on him is not condemned, but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name.

Speaker 2: 0:35

You're listening to the 421 Show. Hey, check out our website hor421showbuzzsproutcom for all your latest content and information. Remember to tune in to Bible Talk once a week with Sister Deb Osborne. You can find her on your local radio station, at 88.1 Christian Radio Station, every Sunday at 5 pm. You can also listen to Bible Talk and much more on Google, apple or Spotify whatever platform that you listen to. If you guys like to support the show, you can support it through PayPal. Watch more on Google, apple or Spotify whatever platform that you listen to. If you guys like to support the show, you can support it through PayPal slash HOR421, or HOR421showbuzzsproutcom.

Speaker 2: 1:16

All shows are recorded live, no post editing Recorded at the 421 studio. For contact information for all of your studio needs, you you can email at hor421ministries at gmailcom. Phone number is 239-849-1502. Glory to god. This is your host, jd. You're listening to the 421 Show. We have a special guest with us today. He's going to be sharing his testimony, danny Perkins. Did I say that right? Yes, sir, praise the Lord, and I'm super excited to hear his testimony and what he's shared, what God has done for him and his family. You're on the air. Go ahead.

Speaker 3: 2:02

Thank you. Yeah, I'll start off first of all. Thank God for the opportunity. Appreciate you having me on the show. I'll just tell this the way that this happened.

Speaker 3: 2:13

So a few weeks ago we had a devotion at work. It was a new thing we tried with the workers and after the preacher got done, I went to my girlfriend and told her I'm like you know, the Lord put it on my heart that I needed to, you know, get out and tell my story and what he's done for me. So I started praying about it. You know how he wanted me to do that and she brung up this show and she was like you know, we all go to church together, so it would be a good place to start. So I started praying and meditating on it and I told them you know that I was going to message you and her and our friends to pray for me.

Speaker 3: 2:53

And I went out to work and when I come back in to message you. I looked at my phone and, uh, you would message me, and you know as well as I do. There was no reason for that. That was out of the blue. You know I'd never spoke to you prior, right, and you was asking me to tell my story. So, just like I told you, you know I knew that that was God letting me know. You know this is where to start. So, um, I'm doing this to bring him glory. Hopefully I'll be able to help somebody.

Speaker 3: 3:20

But um so I guess I'll start with when I was younger, you know I struggled with depression and anxiety and stuff. You know stuff like that. I mean I always felt like I was different, I guess, and, like I said, struggled a lot. So around 12 years old I started using drinking and, you know, smoking, weed, stuff like that, and that progressed pretty quickly and by 16, I was arrested for the first time and then shortly after that I went to rehab for the first time, a 30-day stay, I come back and done good for a little while.

Speaker 3: 4:02

But you know there was just a void in my life and you know, unfortunately it took me the better part of you know, my life up until the last few years to realize that that void was that I didn't have Jesus in my life, right, but it took me a whole lot of more trouble. You know I ended up going to jail multiple times and I actually eventually went to prison for five years. I mean I didn't do a whole five years, but I was sentenced to five years. That caused me to miss a lot of time with my kids and you know, knew that I wanted to change. When I got out I did change and did do good um, for you know pretty substantial amount of time compared to you know the rest of my life.

Speaker 1: 4:51

But again.

Speaker 3: 4:52

I still had a void and uh. So it went back to using um and once that happened, you know they always say if you go back to something it's seven times worse. That's what the Bible says. That's how it got worse than it ever had. I got some bad stuff and it kind of messed my mind up. I was never the same after that. It didn't matter if I was using or sober. I would hallucinate and see the awfulest stuff you could ever imagine.

Speaker 3: 5:24

At the height of all of it I was severely suicidal. I didn't want to be here, no more. You know I had gotten clean for months and I know it was the devil. But you know he showed me a very vivid picture of me a very vivid picture of me, you know, into my life. So I knew that was him, but I didn't know how to overcome that and so I started, you know, I guess, spiraling. I attempted to overdose. Eight times, I think is the number One of the last times. The very last time I think it was. I kind of cried out to him and I'm like you know, I don't want to be here, no more, I can't do this. You know I don't want to go to hell, and I knew for sure that if I ended my life, that's what it felt like would happen. But I prayed, you know, that, lord willing, he would have mercy on me or he would figure out a way to fix it, you know. And that's exactly what I asked him for, right? Um? So I tried, and I should not have woke up. I shouldn't walk up any of the times, but this time I'd done enough to. There's no way I should have lived, you know.

Speaker 3: 6:42

And when I come back, I knew something had changed, you know, but I didn't. I wasn't sure yet what that would be, and so a few days passed, and then I ended up. I agreed to go to a rehab and I went, and the first day I got there, I gave my life to God. I had thought that I'd done that in the past, but this time was different. Every pain, every burden, every struggle that I had ever felt, I released. That day, I cried and prayed and I meditated. I truly felt like I was different and I meditated, and I truly felt like I was different, you know. And at this point I had already had, you know, three kids of my own, and the Lord had put a person in my life. That is now my better half, you know, and I gained two stepkids through that.

Speaker 3: 7:41

But so whenever I, you know, got saved, like, like I said, I was in the rehab, I mentioned it to you earlier before we started, but he uh, I've never really told this publicly, but he gives me, I guess, prophetic visions, is what I call it. Right, he showed me a vision of my future to come, and it was one that seemed absolutely impossible, you know, compared to the life that I had, I just felt like I was worthless and would never amount to nothing. You know, people would give up on me and rope me off as dead, and I had to, you know, right. But in this vision he showed me, you know, my kids and us happy and me free from addiction and, um, you know, this beautiful family that I created.

Speaker 3: 8:30

You know, through his, through his love, man and um, he showed me that we would be in ministry together as a family, and that really seemed impossible, you know, right, um. So I began that journey and I come back home, and you know it's been times that it's been a struggle. You know, the devil's fought me, you know, harder saved than he ever did when I was lost, right, um, but you know I'll say this, I meant to bring this up during all the addiction part. Uh, you know I told you I struggled with mental illness. There was a point where they had diagnosed me with, I'm going to say, at least 10 mental disorders and some of which reoccur in manic depressive disorder schizophrenia and then later switched it to chronic schizophrenia.

Speaker 2: 9:22

I can relate to some of that because I've been mentally instituted as a child. You know, I know what it's like and I tell you it's rough. You know it is man. It's just some parts. You just don't know how to express it in words.

Speaker 3: 9:36

Yeah, it's hard, it is, it's very hard, especially somebody who's not dealt with it. But what I will say is during, um, during all that, I felt so alone, you know, and and like it would never end. But I can say now that although mental illness is the most real thing, you know right, it's not a real thing as in there's something wrong with you as a person. What's wrong is it's a spiritual attack. You know uh, god brung that to my attention that it was just the enemy attacking me. And once I really grasped a hold of that that's, I think, what truly changed my life was I realized that he had made me perfectly the way he wanted me to be you know, god says it's the truth that sets you free.

Speaker 2: 10:21

So when we get the truth of something and we realize something, yeah, then our breakthrough and whatever we're dealing with, you know, we start to see that light. That's when that truth starts to break those bonds between you and the enemy. And you see it, yeah, you know, it's just just yesterday. The lord has just opened my eyes to some truth in my life and they allow me to move on. Yeah, yeah it.

Speaker 3: 10:43

Yeah, it's beautiful man, the way that he reveals stuff to us, and I've learned a lot, you know, through all this. But, you know, once I got back and I was starting to, you know, try to accept it I was doing good and I was getting closer to God, but one thing was I was in a job that wasn't fulfilling at all. I felt like I wasn't pleasing God truly, and so I was trying to figure out, you know, if there was a way I could get into a job where I could, you know, please him, and I'd been praying for it. But I got to tell you this part of the story.

Speaker 2: 11:22

Yeah, go ahead man.

Speaker 3: 11:23

Part of once I got back, I was at church and well, let me say this, I had been struggling with some health issues, and this is all after I got clean and was doing good.

Speaker 2: 11:36

You know, it's usually the way it goes, ain't it?

Speaker 3: 11:38

Yeah right.

Speaker 2: 11:40

I ended up in the doctor's office I can't tell you how many times after. You know I give up alcohol and you know living a pretty promiscuous, sinful life, and then all of a sudden I'm stuck in the hospital the majority of my time.

Speaker 3: 11:51

Yeah, and that's kind of how it was. I was working, you know, going to school started hurting really bad and I, honestly, was trying to hide it. I had so much stuff going on, you know, and I didn't know what it was. So I started hiding it and I won't get into some of the details of all that was happening, but the pain level, we'll say it was uh, to the point that it was waking me up in the middle of the night and it felt like somebody was kicking me in my back. You know, right and uh.

Speaker 3: 12:20

So years prior to this I'll say this, years prior to this, I'd been diagnosed with hepatitis C and that's, you know, used to be an embarrassing thing for me. I got to tell this for him I know he would want me to so I was diagnosed with it, lived with it, done a lot of damage to me, but I went to a treatment facility earlier on in my addiction and got treated for it. I left a few weeks early and didn't finish the treatment, but when I got tested for it it showed that I was good. So I never thought about that again, right? So whenever I start having all this trouble, that was off the list. You know that's not a possibility.

Speaker 3: 13:03

So I start having to go to the doctor and I went once and didn't really know what it was, didn't get no answers. And then I'm sitting at church one night and on the screen of where they show the music at and stuff at our church, I seen very clearly it looked just like a body scan, you know, you'd see at the doctor's office and it looked like there was an area that was affected in my abdomen and I knew as soon as I seen it that that was of me and I was like well, this is the devil. You know what I mean? It's the devil doing that, trying to scare me or whatever. So I block it out and then, towards the end of the service, a person that goes to church with us come up to me in the spirit and prophesied to me and told me that I was about to go through a storm and it was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever went through.

Speaker 2: 13:58

Right.

Speaker 3: 13:59

But if I kept my eyes on God, that he would carry me through it and bring me out and restore me farther than I'd ever been. So during all that I tried to keep that in mind. But there was times that, you know, I'm going to these doctor's appointments and stuff and I'm not getting no answers, except for they was one that brung up the hep C. But I'm like that's not possible, I don't have it. You know I'm cured or whatever. So that was out of the question. And so I dealt with this pain and it went on for months and it got to the point, you know, like there was times that she would have to get my kids to come pray. You know, gather them up and they would pray, and that would be the only thing that would make it stop was prayer. So through all that pain he brung us all closer to him, right. But I guess there was a point where we both realized he dropped into our hearts, you know, and we both knew like we need to be checking if it is that, if it's possible, even though I hadn't used in that way or whatever, you know.

Speaker 3: 15:06

So I go and I get checked and it turns out that I had never gotten rid of it. So I'd had it for years and years and all I did when I took that first treatment was intensify it, basically because I got just enough in there to get my body used to it, you know. And it made it worse and so by that point, my kidneys was acting up, my liver's acting up, they had to do colonoscopies and you know, see if I even had cancer. They didn't really know what all had happened. But long story short, I realized that, you know, he revealed to me that the devil was basically trying to convince me that I was OK, and you know I wasn't. So I got the treatment started, okay, and you know I wasn't. So I got the treatment started and, uh, I can sit here today and say that you know the last test result showed it was like it never happened.

Speaker 3: 15:52

Um, so he, he cured me of that man 100. And then another thing that happened through all that damage was I had some places on my legs that was kind of sinking in and almost looked as if, uh, you know, it was like gone, the muscle and stuff was gone and didn't have a reason for it. But right after I got found out that, you know, I had been cured of the hep c, I went to a specialist and they also told me that it looked like something had definitely caused severe damage, but there was no explanation for it and whatever it was was done, it was healed, you know. So he also fixed that, um, so I gotta give him praise, you know, for all that. But, um, I just it's, I'm blessed man, the life that he's gave me in less than two years I went from. I literally had nothing to my name, nothing you know to.

Speaker 3: 16:47

I've got full custody of my two youngest daughters. Now it's amazing.

Speaker 3: 16:55

And I have a beautiful family, like I said, I've got. You know that I get to spend every day, now, you know, teaching them and learning with them about God. To spend every day, now, you know, teaching them and learning with them about God. And in that, like I told you, that vision, you know that he showed me for my life.

Speaker 3: 17:11

One of those was ministry, and so she actually my girlfriend, actually got hired on months ago at Christ Hands and I watched her change instantly when she started working there, because she was fulfilling God's work, you know Right, and that made me hungry for it.

Speaker 3: 17:29

Man and our church partnered with them and we started going and helping and so I got to be a part of that and I'm getting to come help in the evenings, you know, with her and it just felt so good to be there and so genuine, genuine, so good to be there and so genuine, genuine, and um, so a little while back, they asked her. You know, they basically told her that they felt like I was a good fit for there and would I be willing to come, and so, praise God, I got that job and now we get to serve the Lord every day, you know, um, we get to help needy families. Um, there's a lot of people that I get to talk to on a daily basis that's struggling with addiction and homelessness and mental illness and things that I can testify that God's delivered me from.

Speaker 2: 18:16

God puts you in a spot, and I love how God just confirms everything, because the steps of a righteous man are ordered by God. He puts you in a spot to where you can help people.

Speaker 1: 18:27

You don't sin halfway people.

Speaker 3: 18:29

He sends his best yeah he sends people that can help amen and I think you know and I it's not that I think I know god's put you you know exactly where you need to be amen and well, and, like I said, that's part of the, the vision that he showed me, you know, uh, it getting to watch it come to pass was what truly, I guess, solidified it for me to where it's like this is truly possible through him, not through myself, but through his strength and his, you know, all his love and all that he does, man, his glory is just words can't do it justice, you know, but I know that he put us there, you know, when we go and do these boxes and stuff, my little girls get to come help, you know. So, all that's come to pass and I'm so thankful for it, man, and I'm so thankful for all that he's doing, you know, for our family and for the people that I'm close to, and I'm just grateful, man, for where he's brought me from and can't even begin to imagine where he'll take me to. But I don't know if you know, somebody needs to hear that, but I just want to make it clear. You know, like I said, I've been diagnosed with so many mental disorders.

Speaker 3: 19:44

It's almost embarrassing and I believe that you know that was real and I was in prison in my own mind because of what these doctors just told me and what people believed in me. But I can sit here today and say I'm free from every single one of those, amen. That don't mean I'm free from attack. I still get up days and there's days the devil tries to put stuff in my head. But I can get up and stand my ground against him and say look, get beneath me.

Speaker 2: 20:11

You know the truth.

Speaker 3: 20:12

My father is the truth.

Speaker 2: 20:13

My father is is the truth, and that was the first thing god dealt with me, though, when I come back to god, was all my, my mental issues that I I deal with, yeah, and, and it didn't happen overnight. It took. It took quite a few months, yeah, but like you, brother, you know, I now I just look and I was like that's not god, that's the enemy yeah you know those voices that you and I was like that's not God, that's the enemy.

Speaker 2: 20:35

Yeah, you know those voices that you hear in your head. Yeah, that's not God. I mean, that's not God, I know it's not God yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:39

Then he says and I always hear you know, his sheep know his voice, yeah, and that's one of the scriptures. I know it's a small scripture, but and he taunts me, you know I say his sheep know his voice, yeah, and I thank God for it. Amen, amen, that's good. Yeah, because you know I grew up with the voices in my head, I grew up taunting, you know, and then you know all the depression and you know I have had suicidal thoughts. Yeah, but I grew up with somebody that constantly lived in suicide fear.

Speaker 3: 21:14

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:14

You know I physically watched my mom try to commit suicide twice in her life. Yeah, once in front of me, and then you know one, she ran out in traffic, oh Lord. So I mean, I know a little bit about it. I've seen the effects of what it can cause to a family. Yeah, and it's a family, yeah, and it's very destructive.

Speaker 3: 21:36

Yeah, it's very destructive it is, and you know anybody that struggles with that. You know my heart goes out to them. But, like I said, I just want you to know that if that's you today, you will and you can and will get better if you'll give it to God. I think it's 1 John 1 and 9 says If we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness. And you know, I think that's exactly it is. Once I confess my sins to him and he washed that away from me. Whatever the devil had used to attach, you know, to my mind he took that away and that's what broke those chains. And I, I just, I pray that somebody will hear this that needs to hear, and you know they'll, they'll cry out to the Lord. It's the best decision I ever made in my life.

Speaker 2: 22:37

That's what the whole show is about is to share what God and allow people to remember what God has done for us and what he can do for us, as long as we're obedient. See, by being obedient, brother, he's set your foot, you know, in the right place. You know because the lord says the steps of a righteous man. Order by god, and he's placed things and people into your life. You know, and he's showing you. You know that you you're being a big counter, I can't even get it out, but but you're contributing, you know, a lot to the kingdom of God. Thank you.

Speaker 2: 23:13

It may not seem like you are sometimes, I know. Just yesterday the Lord had to remind me just how much I am contributing to the kingdom of God. I may not feel like it, but God didn't turn around through just a little thing in my life that he had opened up. He says I send my best, I don't send my worst. I don't send halfway opened up. He says I send my best. Yeah, I don't send my worst. I don't send halfway. He says I send my best.

Speaker 3: 23:37

He says I send people that I know that can get the job done, yeah well, and you know, um, this is something else too that I think would be good. Yeah, go ahead. Sure, he put it in my heart, you know, a few weeks ago, and I think it fits with it. But you know, like he tried to convince me, you know that I'm not worthy. That's what he would always try to convince me. You know, that I wasn't worthy and that the past that I'd lived, you know, made me not as much as this one or that one, you know Right. But I realized now that I went through that addiction stage and that mental illness stage, and all that not because of you know of me and my problems, but truly for this. If someone is struggling with that, who do you think they're going to speak to? More?

Speaker 3: 24:42

Somebody that don't know, nothing about it, or someone that has lived it, overcome it and is doing the thing, it's a lot easier to talk to somebody that knows exactly how you're feeling right what you're going through right that's it.

Speaker 3: 24:57

and uh, I believe you know that that's why he had me go through. Those things was so when I realized he was the only way to make it in this world that I would glorify him and all that I do and you know I'm not perfect. I still mess up every day we all do do but you know I got help today. I got a way out when I'm struggling or when it gets too hard. I know that he's going to give me a way of escape if I call out his name and you know anybody that's been an addict, struggling with addiction or anything.

Speaker 3: 25:25

If you're fighting that feeling of unworthiness or as if you're not good enough, I'll say this the Bible says that God wants a worshiper and I believe he put this in my soul and I believe it with all my heart. I believe that addicts and mentally ill people are people that God chooses specifically for a calling to reach others. Because in addiction, you know you're basically you don't realize it, I didn't, but you're worshiping a drug every day of your life. That's right. Four hours a day, seven days a week.

Speaker 2: 26:04

your life, you hit the nail on the head on that one brother.

Speaker 3: 26:07

So, although I believed in God and Jesus, you know I didn't realize that by doing drugs I was serving the devil. Yes, but I realize now, you know, and that God had me go through that. So the way that I worship, that if I can give him that much effort that I did that drug, amen Then it's untelling what he can do in our lives, you know, and I'm grateful that he's gave me that, uh, that peace today and that he is using me, you know, in that way yeah, we can focus that much on jesus instead of focusing on that much to get a next score that's it you know, and it's just the truth, is the truth.

Speaker 2: 26:47

I mean, we, we push and push and knock down every door and steal whatever we can, just to make that, you, you know, ends meet. But if we can do that same thing with God, like you said, brother, how far can we go with God? I think it'd be unlimited.

Speaker 3: 26:59

Yeah, absolutely that's. That's it. Um, I've realized, man, you know, even though I've only got a few years in this, uh, so much, like I said, there was times that I literally was tears running down my face shaking in pain, no way to hide it.

Speaker 3: 27:18

You know what I mean, right? Um, and there was one point where I passed out because my pancreas, you know, had gotten so bad, there was so many things going on and, uh, you know, my kids come over and they're little kids, know and they put their hands on me and start praying and that pain leave.

Speaker 2: 27:34

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 27:35

You know, there ain't a drug or a drink in the world that compares to the glory of God.

Speaker 2: 27:39

There's not.

Speaker 3: 27:41

I watched got to be a part of. You know, somebody I met was struggling with kidney stones and they had told us, you know, that they'd been basically in the floor hours before that crying with kidney stones and was afraid they was going to have to go to the doctor. And uh, I won't say nobody's name, but right the lord put it on my heart to pray for them. And uh, we did, right there in this parking lot, we prayed for them and didn't think nothing else of it. And then, about two weeks later, we come home and he's cut the neighbor's grass and he runs up and starts thanking us, you know, and he's like man, you won't believe this, but I've never heard again since you prayed for us, you know. And of course I told him don't thank us, thank God, you know he's the one that done it.

Speaker 3: 28:29

But it's just. I'm so thankful that he's allowed me to get to watch all the miracles that he has and all the moves of God that I see, because it's strengthened my face so much, man, and I just know that if he can do it for me, he can do it for anybody. You know, I've done awful stuff, you know, but it don't change the way he looks at me. He don't look at me no different than he does a preacher, you know, um, he looks at me the same way. His love is, you know, for us all. And if there's anyone out there struggling, I just pray that you would, uh, truly, give it a chance. You know, cry out to god with a sincere heart and ask him for help, and I, I can give you my word man that he'll change your life you said something, brother, that it really hit home with me just a few weeks ago.

Speaker 2: 29:19

You know I I was struggling with you know, with lord. Why am I here? Why did you, why did you allow me to go through all that I went through from my younger up till now, and it's the very thing is that I can help people. We all know that yeah but it's like the man that sat at the pool, you know, with the withered hand.

Speaker 3: 29:35

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:35

He sat there for how long? Or like the woman that had the issue of blood how long did she had to go through that?

Speaker 3: 29:41

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:41

You know, she, she went through that, he went through all of that. So people can also that I can relate to, that I can minister to. And I love how the Lord just gives me those little tidbits and he says, james, I've called you for this very reason, for this very purpose to be a light unto the world. And, brother, that's exactly what you're doing and I loved it and I loved how the Lord just confirmed because I'm one of those, I'm not a worry warp, but I constantly my mind's racing.

Speaker 3: 30:13

It don't stop.

Speaker 2: 30:13

you know, and I and I drank and you know I wasn't a big you know user or anything, but I was a big drinker yeah and you know, and, and I, I drank that to slow myself down yeah absolutely. You know, just you know.

Speaker 2: 30:26

To that way I can function in life yeah and um, it's just now, I've got God, he helps him with it and I don't see how he does it. Yeah, I don't, but it's like, it's like my, it's like when I'm walking or I'm thinking. It's like everything's like a puzzle. But now I look at it, everything, all the pieces are starting to you know where they need to be.

Speaker 3: 30:45

Right.

Speaker 2: 30:45

But if I'm not with God, it's like.

Speaker 2: 30:47

It's like is is nothing but scattered mess, yeah, and, and then when I drank, you know, and and then whatever I was doing in the world, it was, it would, it would somewhat come together, but never completely come together yeah and I was chasing there or doing what I had to do to to go back to that and and I thank god for giving you, you know you saying that because it gives me confirmation that it seems like every day God just reminds me little by little. James, I've got you where you need to be.

Speaker 3: 31:17

Yeah, don't worry, praise God, praise God, and I thank God that, uh, he, you know that he had used me to confirm that for you. Yeah, you know, like I said, if one person gets something out of this, then uh, then I've done his work, you know, and I'm thankful.

Speaker 3: 31:30

That's true, yes, but I'll say this too I just one thing for me. Now that I'm where I am, I sit and think, you know like what, if one of those times that I tried to take my life, I wouldn't have woke up, you know, and my kids, man when, have grown up without a dad and I would have been burning in hell. You know, that's reality, yeah, and that's scary, you know. It scares me to death to know that that could have happened. But I'm also thankful that he reminds me of that and that he brought me through that.

Speaker 3: 32:13

You know, because I want you if you are listening to this and you are lost or you are struggling, you know, I want you to just sit and think about that for a second. What if you? What if this time you used and you truly didn't wake up and you burned in hell for the rest of eternity? In hell for the rest of eternity? You know, had it not been for him having this plan for me, I would have been dead and I would have been burning in hell. So I'm just saying don't be willing to take that chance, because you may not be as blessed. You know he may already gave you all the chances he's going to give and nothing's worth dying and going to hell.

Speaker 2: 32:53

You know I say whoever's listening to also that you know I served the Lord. I walked away from God and went back to all of that. I walked over that blood, yeah, and God opened my eyes that night. He came into that room and saved me and he told me he's about to remove my candlestick and that I would have lifted my eyes up in hell. I mean, he gave me a bunch of scriptures and told me pretty much, you know, I was damned. Yeah, you know, if I don't turn my life over that night, yeah, and like you, brother, I started asking, you know, those what-if questions and I'd wake up, and I thank God every day that I wake up, even this morning. I thank God for giving me another day. That's it Me too, brother, because I knew exactly where I was going, where I would end it up. Yeah, and it's like you know, I wasn't like a super, super bad person, but I'd done some pretty horrible things and I went pretty deep into sin.

Speaker 1: 33:51

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 33:52

And you know but, sin is sin yeah. And that's why I try to tell people it's not how much you're going to flex your muscles yeah, you know I've done this more than you have. It's not how much you're going to flex your muscles yeah, no, I've done this more than you have. It's not that it don't matter. He sees it all the same.

Speaker 3: 34:03

He sees it all the same.

Speaker 2: 34:05

Yeah, I mean. Of course some people go deeper into sin.

Speaker 1: 34:07

Yeah right.

Speaker 2: 34:08

But I think that's where you know, the deeper we get into sin, the further we get away from God.

Speaker 3: 34:15

Yeah, but as long as there's breath in you and there's still hope, yeah, well, you know you. You saying that you went back brungus um.

Speaker 3: 34:27

I should have said this to begin with. But uh, yeah, go ahead. You know the old me would be embarrassed to this, but I'm not. Today god's got me where he wants me and I've overcame so much in my life. Right, so I'm not.

Speaker 3: 34:37

But whenever I gave my life to god and I come back and you know he gave me a good job I was making, you know, wasn't making great money but would have became a good career choice and he had gave me that, you know, beautiful family man and I was working consistently and doing right. And you know I thought anyways, thought I was doing right and I was in the sense of I was praying and you know I was reading some. But you know there was still things that I needed delivered from, for one thing that I hadn't dealt with and I also hadn't truly, I guess, accepted the fact that it wasn't my strength that was going to keep me sober. You know part of me wanted to still do it on my own. So there was a point, you know, in the early stages, where, um, I guess I allowed the enemy to beat me down enough that I did go back and use once and and when that happened, man, you know he kind of gave me a reality check and took away this family, you know temporarily, and kind of put my life on hold and I had to sit and look at how quickly you know, one choice to sin took everything that he had gave me for a moment. Took everything that he had gave me for a moment and during that time I thought was, you know, the worst thing that could ever happen.

Speaker 3: 36:11

But looking back now I'm so thankful that I did mess up because, number one, it showed me that I needed his strength, not mine. And number two, during that same time period, I realized very quickly that I had never been whooped Like God will whoop you when you try to run from his will. And he whooped me hard, real fast. But I also. I got my kids one weekend and I won't get into details weekend and I won't get into details, but I found something on their phones that was the worst thing that I could think of a parent ever would ever have to see their kids other than death right and I'll just be truthful I, my first instinct as a parent, was I want to hurt this person, right, um?

Speaker 3: 37:04

so I went out and I got in the car and it was scary the feeling, you know I knew. And I put the car in reverse and I went to back out and it felt just like somebody grabbed me by the shoulders and set me back in my seat and said that ain't the answer. And it scared me, you know, not know, not like scared of. You know I knew it was God, but it was a reverence feel like I knew it was him, I knew his presence and that he wasn't joking with me, that he meant get out of that vehicle. That wasn't the answer and I did, and my um at that time I think she was seven years old. My daughter isn't my biological kid, so you can imagine, you know, number one, I'm like I just watched the most horrible thing that could ever happen to my kid. You know that I can think of and they're probably going to take her because she's not biologically mine and just all the worst possible scenarios going through my head, especially with the past that I'd had. But they came that night, the law got called over the situation. And they asked me that night, you know, do you want both kids? And I'm like what do you mean, don't? Yeah, you know that's my daughter, I've raised her like that. Yeah, I want them. And she told me that day I voiced my concerns and the lady told me she said, if you'll do right by these kids and you'll, you know, take care of them and you'll do what you're supposed to do, then I'll do everything in my power to make sure that you keep them.

Speaker 3: 38:34

And I went through I don't know how many courtrooms and how many court cases with their mother's family, you know, and just the court system and all the different things and every. You know, in the beginning, the first few court dates, I was worried. You know, I'm like no matter how good I'm doing right now, they're only going to see my past. But I was at church and they prayed for us and the Lord spoke to me through someone and told me that the only judge that mattered was him. That's right, and that if I would give it to him and I would, you know, he would get. Basically, he would give me my kids if I would give them back to him. Right, and I knew that that meant that you know he would give them to me if I would make sure that I showed them how to serve him Right. And so now, like I said, fast forward. I've got full custody now. So I'm just thankful, man. I'm thankful and grateful.

Speaker 2: 39:31

You know Psalms 91, the first verse says he that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Yeah, and abiding under the shadow of the Almighty is reaping, you know, and you know we hear our pastor saying in Psalms 23, you know, you know you'll. There's a table prepared for you, you know, in the presence of your enemy, and when we abide under that shadow of the almighty, we eat from that table. And seeing, by eating from that table, it's just not having the riches and the glory of this world. Or, you know, having things, or anything, it's having your kids, because stuff like that is worth more than gold.

Speaker 3: 40:09

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 40:09

You know being able to supply, you know your needs and your kids' needs. You know that to me, you know, because I grew up without, you know, a father figure. You know, and then the father figure I did have was abusive, yeah, you know, verbally and physically, and you know, draw it growing up in a, you know, a drug abused home and yada, yada, yada. You know that to me, having a family is worth more than anything that this world can offer. And for me to hear you say that, brother, you know that because well, I got you know, and the bible talks about it somebody they don't take care of their family, it's just not on a financial level, but it's on a, it's on a spiritual and lovable level is worse than an infidel yeah, well, that's kind of what I was going to say is um, I'm thankful that even though I failed him once, he gave me all that.

Speaker 3: 41:01

Even though I had failed him and I had messed up that he still used that to turn what I thought was about to be the worst thing I could ever go through for me and my kids. And he turned that around and made it all for his glory. And now I've got kids. You know that's? You know young kids that love serving the Lord. They love singing. You know gospel music?

Speaker 3: 41:24

And they love to learn, and you know, we can get down today together as a family and pray, you know, and it's the most beautiful feeling man it is, and it just is amazing that he can take such a horrible situation and turn it into his glory. You know, there was a part that I skipped about all this and I'll probably quit after this. I told you, you know, that I had struggled with mental disorders and stuff, but the reason at 12 years old, I found out something that kind of threw me off, you know, threw me for a loop and and I won't get into details, but it it made me go through what I guess I call an identity crisis. Um, yeah, everything that I knew about life, you know, seemed to not be true, um, and that made me kind of turn away from the lord, even though he was trying to call me at a young age to work. You know what I mean. He was and I was. I was receptive to it, but then I found out something, and this person that I found it out about was who I had looked up to, um, in the lord. They was. They was who I learned about the Lord from. They was who I seen filled in the Holy Ghost for the first time. They was who I seen other people receive the Holy Ghost for the first time. All what I knew about God was through this person, and so what I found out about them made me question everything about God, and that caused me for many years to ruin, you know. But the reason I'm telling it is this Once I got saved and I gave my life to God, that burden that I'd packed from all that, god kind of cleared that up for me and told me you know, the devil was trying to attack you from the womb, you know, trying to take you out, right, but I had a purpose for you and, um, you know, he, he made sure that, no matter what happened, I still made it back to him.

Speaker 3: 43:36

But I realized that I, you know, even though that person had sinned, that god later saved them and used them and filled them in the Holy Ghost, and so there was no reason for me to harbor feelings towards them. You know what I mean, because they had done that in sin, but God saved them and restored them and used them, and so, if anything, the devil's lie that he had on my life I now realize, was truly god showing me I can use them, you know, and if I can use them, then I can use you right, and I always think of paul. You know too, he was a killer, yeah, you know, he was literally a murderer and god used him to. You know, write part of the bible and, and you know, lead the gentiles and it's like, um, if you're out there today and you feel like you know you've done too much or you've went too far, that's a lie straight from the devil yeah you could never go too far, I don't I thought I I thought I went too far.

Speaker 2: 44:39

Yeah well. Well, I feel like.

Speaker 3: 44:40

The.

Speaker 2: 44:41

Lord gave me a prophetic dream. As I was walking away from the Lord, I was backsliding, yeah, and it was one of those blackout drunken nights that I had had. But I remember this. I usually don't remember a blackout, yeah, but I remember this specific dream and, lord, it came to me Actually twice.

Speaker 2: 45:00

And Lord, it came to me actually twice. The first one was I was covered in blood from my head to the soles of my feet. My hands were. I turned my hands over and it was blood everywhere. It's like I just murdered somebody, trying to find the body and trying to find out who I murdered, and panicking in my dream. And as soon as I had woke up from that still half drunk, you know, because I you know, but sober enough to know that I was like that wasn't normal, that was God, yeah, and then all of a sudden I didn't need an interpreter, I mean the spirit knocked it right directly to me and he says you know, men's blood are required of your hands. Yeah, but I still continued to walk away because of the lust of my flesh.

Speaker 3: 45:43

That's what I was about to say. You know he does. I think he does try to lead us, and that's probably the most important thing that I can contribute. Is that, well, I think the Bible the way it says it I don't want to tell it wrong, but it's that being obedient is greater than sacrifice.

Speaker 2: 46:05

Yes.

Speaker 3: 46:06

So we look at it as we've got this thing in our life that we like or that thing in our life that we like and we have to give that up for him. And not saying not to give something up for him, because you should always give up anything that comes between you. Always give up, you know, anything that comes between you, but realizing that if I struggle because of my flesh and I do something that lets him down, he'll forgive me for that. But if, when he speaks to me, if I know his voice and I'm obedient and listen, you know he'll use you and the rest of that he'll clean you up and make you fix those other parts.

Speaker 2: 46:41

You're right on that, because obedience is better than sacrifice. But here's the deal once you're obedient, the sacrifice part comes so easy. Yeah, that's what I at. Half of the time you don't even realize how much you're sacrificing. When you just walk in the presence of the lord and you do exactly what he says, the rest of it comes so naturally easy to you. It's it's's like how is that possible?

Speaker 3: 47:02

Yeah, yeah, it's just mind-blowing man. But, like I said, I didn't plan this out. I just prayed about it and went with what I thought he would want me to say. So it wasn't all in order. So I know.

Speaker 2: 47:20

I kind of skipped around here and there. I think you did just fine, brother, and I believe the lord guided. I do believe the steps of righteousness been ordered by god amen to that I felt, you know, that day I contacted you to be on the show. It's like I was sitting here and then, all of a sudden, your name just rode across the top of my forehead and I pulled you up and he says ask them. And you know, I don't there's been a few people.

Speaker 2: 47:43

You know I usually pray about it. You know you seek and stuff, but I did. And I know for a fact is this not going to go out void?

Speaker 3: 47:50

because lord's words don't go out void, that's it yeah, everything I do, I want it to be for his glory. Uh, yes, there's a lot of my story that I didn't tell because I don't want to glorify like you said earlier, I don't want to glorify sin and I don't want to talk about my past because the only parts of my past that matter are the parts that I can tell you. He brung me through Amen. You know, I might have walked into living hell for a lot of years because the devil has lies, but God freed me from that today and I can sit here and tell you that you know there is hope in a future. If me from that today, and I can sit here and tell you that you know there is hope in a future, if you will just cry out to him, he will save you you know, like the brother I don't know how much to stress it towards you, you know it don't matter where you're at.

Speaker 2: 48:30

You know if you're in a car, sitting on a park bench or walking. You know you're hidden behind somewhere. You know you're sitting on your couch. You know you're listening. You know there's hope, there's still breath in you.

Speaker 3: 48:42

There's hope yeah, there is.

Speaker 2: 48:44

That's what I was going to say once that breath leads you, then there's no hope I don't.

Speaker 3: 48:48

I think that's. The only way that we truly do lose hope is once we leave this world. If you die lost, then you know you're done for. But I believe, up until that moment, I believe he'll still hear your cry, if you cried out on your deathbed or whatever you know. But it's not really. It's not worth taking that chance.

Speaker 2: 49:03

You know two men hung, but you know between you know hung christ hung between two men. Yeah, one of them right there at the end of his you know his life. There was hope and he was still breathing it and you know god looked at him and said you know pretty much, you know you're gonna be with me in my kingdom yeah you know, and it's just, which man are you going to be?

Speaker 2: 49:23

you're going to either be the man on the right, or the man on the left right because one made it and the other one didn't, and that that's the way life is, up till the day that you die. As long as you got hope in you, you know there's. There's god still here yeah, you know, as you know, we're facing what we watch the news now and you can see, you know, pretty much biblical prophecy being filled. Yeah, you know, anger. You know a world, or united states, is in the world itself, or an identity crisis, trying to figure out who they want to be and who they are.

Speaker 3: 49:54

And the devil has distorted everything in the world you know it's chaotic, it's, it's crisis.

Speaker 2: 49:59

You crisis on a scale unimaginable. And if the Lord says it's the same as it was in the days of old, I couldn't imagine the older generation back then in biblical times going through the same stuff that we're going through. But they did, they did and it's crazy and God is good. I enjoyed your brother, I really did. I really did. I'm glad you, you was able to come on the show.

Speaker 3: 50:30

Amen to that yeah, praise the lord, thankful, uh, thankful for the opportunity and thankful where god's brought me from. Yes, he is working in our lives and that we get to. You know, do all that we do. You know, if anybody out there has a given heart or feels the need to want to be, you know the Lord's hands and feet Christ Hands is a great place to come by and volunteer your time. I'm thankful that you know I get to be a part of that.

Speaker 2: 51:02

It's great ministry, brother.

Speaker 3: 51:02

Appreciate that and um it's great ministry. Brother appreciate that well-needed ministry, amen.

Speaker 2: 51:07

You know it's not everybody can do it. You know there's ministries in my life that not everybody can do it. So I mean, god's got to put you right where he needs to be, and same with me. And if you're listening and you've got a ministry and don't don't feel like that somebody else is better for it, because god's got you right where he wants you to. That's it, brother. Uh, I tell you what, though? If you would like to end us in prayer, that would be great all right.

Speaker 3: 51:31

Yeah, I don't care a bit. Dear heavenly father, we thank you for this day, lord. I thank you for this opportunity to get to come on this show and hopefully bring glory to your name. Lord, I'm thankful for all that you've done in my life and I'm thankful that I got the fellowship here with JD, and I pray that this show would go out, lord, and that if anyone out there is lost or dealing with the same things that I was, that your words would go through me and penetrate their hearts, lord, and that it would bring them to a saving knowledge of you. Lord, I just thank you so much for all that you do and all you're going to do in our lives. In Jesus name, we pray.

Speaker 2: 52:08

Amen. I'd like to thank everybody for listening to the show. This is your host, jd, and if you guys are interested and you'd like to contact me, you can contact me at um HOR421ministries at gmailcom. Phone number is 239-849-1502. Remember, all shows are recorded live no post editing recorded at the 421 studio and uh, contact me for all your studio needs. I'd love to hear from you. You.