Paul Monroe Testifies on Leaving Sin Behind: A Raw Conversation About Spiritual Transformation

Paul Monroe never expected to find himself homeless, sleeping on a balcony at a place called Christ's Hands in Harlan County. After decades battling severe addiction – shooting up IV drugs, cycling through prison sentences across multiple states, and watching his family relationships crumble – he had finally hit rock bottom.

"I didn't know where else to turn," Paul shares in this raw, unfiltered conversation. "And when I finally decided – or God finally put it on my heart – to get saved and I came to church and prayed, God took everything. My addiction, my cravings... I've not had any kind of craving, no thought of using, nothing at all."

The transformation didn't stop with sobriety. Within months, family members who had previously refused to let him into their homes were welcoming him back. His sister even insisted he stay with her rather than return to the streets after rehab. But Paul's testimony isn't about presenting a picture-perfect recovery story. With remarkable candor, he discusses his ongoing battles with temptation, particularly around lust and sexual thoughts, and how he brings these struggles before God daily.

This conversation between Paul and host Jd dives deep into the realities of addiction, childhood trauma, religious judgment, and what true spiritual transformation looks like. They tackle difficult subjects head-on: the physical and sexual abuse both experienced as children, the misconceptions around "jailhouse religion," and the judgmental attitudes that can prevent people from finding God.

"No matter where you're at, give your heart to God," Paul urges listeners. "I didn't get saved in a church house. I cried out to God and he answered me." For anyone battling addiction, wrestling with past trauma, or simply feeling beyond redemption, this episode offers a powerful reminder that no one is beyond the reach of grace.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Welcome
• 3:15 Paul's Rock Bottom and Finding God
• 5:48 Addiction, Recovery, and God's Forgiveness
• 9:17 Family Relationships and Reconciliation
• 16:26 Battling Temptation and Daily Struggles
• 22:56 Dealing with Sexual Temptation and Lust
• 28:48 Past Trauma and Healing
• 37:38 Church Culture and Coming As You Are
• 45:12 Final Thoughts and Closing Prayer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

I felt the flames. I heard death knocking. My hands were tied, my feet were bound, Buried alive, covered in ashes. My soul was six feet underground. Then you rolled that stone away, you pulled me from the grave. Praise the Lord. I saw the light and I'll never be the same. I got that freedom.

Speaker 2: 0:46

Freedom in my soul. Hey, welcome to the show. This is your host, eddie. You're listening to the 421 Show. Hey, go check out our website at hor421showbuzzproudcom for all your latest content and information. Listen to the show on Apple, spotify or whatever platform you're choosing. Also, remember to tune in to Bible Talk and the Cavewood Church of God once a week. If you'd like to support the show, you can support it through PayPal slash HOR421 or you can go through our website at HOR421showbuzzsproutcom. All shows are recorded live, no post editing, and recorded at the 421 studio. For contact information for all your studio needs, you can email at hor421ministries at gmailcom. Phone number is 239-849-1502.

Speaker 2: 1:36

Praise the lord, praise the lord. We got a special guest with us today. His name is paul monroe. Did I say that right brother? Yes, praise the lord. And he's going to be sharing his testimony. And I tell you what brother. I'm just going to throw you out in the mix and wherever you want to start at, but he's a good brother in church. Just recently got saved here at our church and I'm excited to hear what he's got to say about what the Lord's going to do for him and where he's brought him from and where he's taken him. God is good, isn't he not? He is wonderful. Praise God.

Speaker 3: 2:07

It's your mic brother, go ahead First of all, I just want to say that I got up this morning and was reading the Bible, and Mark 2, verses 15, it says and it came to pass that as Jesus sat at meat in his house, many publicans and sinners sat also together with Jesus and his disciples For there were many, and they followed him. And then, when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples how is it that he eateth and drinketh with publicans and sinners? When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them they that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance, and with that, you know, I think back to my life At 18, I was called to be a preacher I'll be 43 next year, or next month, I mean and when God called me, I was real bad off in sin, addiction, shooting up IV, drugs, doing things that I ought not have been doing. With that, though, when the Bible says that God called the sinners not to righteous, that's for all those people who are still locked up, incarcerated. It doesn't mean it doesn't matter your charges, whether it be rape, murder, robbery, whatever you've done, you know God forgives. And I know because I've done just about everything there is to do other than rape or murder. And I'm still sitting here, a saved man, and with that I'll be 43 next month Around.

Speaker 3: 3:52

And about six months ago I was real far off in addiction and homeless, nowhere to live, family not willing to help because of my addiction and things that I was doing. So a little place in Harlan called Christ's Hands. I slept there on their balcony and finally God just made it to where I was, you know, rock bottom. I didn't know where else to turn. And when I finally decided or God finally put it on my heart to get saved and I came to church and I prayed, god took everything.

Speaker 3: 4:32

You know, my addiction, my cravings. I've not, and it's been going on four months now I've not had any kind of craving, no thought of using nothing at all, using nothing at all. God is giving me everything a home, a job, a family, through Christ. Not only just that, he's giving my regular family back. You know, seven months ago I was so bad off that my own blood relatives, brothers and sisters they wanted nothing to do with me, right, they didn't want me in their house.

Speaker 3: 5:05

Once I got saved. My youngest sister actually came and got me from rehab in london, kentucky, and told me you know, look, you're not going to go back and stay on the streets, you can stay here until you figure something out right. And uh it, just uh it. It makes my heart hurt to know that the things I done, I hurt Jesus for those things and to know that now he forgives. You know, he's given me so much. I look back to when I was younger in and out of addiction, uh, in and out of church I've ran my whole life and I know that if God can save me and forgive me, that he'll forgive any of those who still locked up, still in addiction, still struggling with whatever it is.

Speaker 2: 5:57

You know, and mostly that's all I got you just talking about your family, you know, ostracize you and pushing you to the side and don't want to deal with you. You know the lord had taught me how much of the sin that I was doing when I walked away from god, how much it affected just not me, because I was all about me, it's just me. It's just me. I'm not, you know, it's just me. And then lord had showed me how much it affected you. You know my family, my immediate family, and just not my immediate family. But the sins that I was doing was also affecting my other family, yeah, and just not my family. It was affecting my friends, because even I had some what you call good friends, you know, but you know they're not. You know devilish people, but you know they're we.

Speaker 2: 6:44

We lived in sin, but you know, if I needed help, I could call upon them, but they were starting to pull back from me, you know, and just the church people were starting to pull back from me and that was starting to cause trouble. You know strife between us. You know me, meet myself and my family and everything. And, uh, when you had said that it just it, come back to my memory just how how bad did I really was. You know, praise the Lord, glory to God You're, you're good brother You're good.

Speaker 2: 7:19

Um, yeah, and you know and I just don't realize, you know it's hard the addictions you know that I had in my life. You know my choice was, you know, women. You know my choice was chasing alcohol. You know my choice wasn't so much as drugs or anything like that, you know I grew up around them and stuff. But you know my choice was, you know, women, and you know lust or whatever you want to call it, and alcohol, alcohol, silenced a lot of it. But you know I still woke up every day with the same thoughts. You know, the same demons that I was facing.

Speaker 3: 7:59

That's a struggle that I still have. Like I speak of addiction, but with me addiction was everything gambling, sex, women, drugs and when I said that God took it all from me, I meant as far as the drugs go. Like I still have the thoughts. Like sometimes I could be walking down the road sometimes and see a woman and I know that if I look at her and I have these thoughts that I'm lusting in my heart and I find myself immediately repenting, asking god to forgive me and take it from me, and I don't know why I still have that problem. But I mean, I know, I know that as long as I continue to pray and ask god to take it from me, that eventually it will well, that's the enemy, the enemy.

Speaker 2: 8:38

The enemy is, you know, I heard a preacher once he's got your ticket, he knows what, what uh pushes your buttons, he knows what's going to get. Once, say, he's got your ticket, he knows what pushes your buttons, he knows what's going to get you to and he's going to try to throw anything possible out at you and he's going to say, here, let's throw this beautiful woman, or you know this and bless their hearts. They don't know what they're doing and if they do, lord, please have mercy on them. You know, but 90% of the time, half the people don't even know what they're doing. You know, not even knowing that they're being used like that, and seeing that, you're starting to see that what we call the spirit realm, you're starting to see that enemy throwing because, see, that's the only reason, that's the only way the enemy can touch you is through thought.

Speaker 2: 9:22

You know he places a thought to you. He can't. You know those thoughts, like you know, go out and get you another fix. Or you know, go look at this woman and lust after, because if you can keep doing that, it's not what goes into the heart that defiles the man, what is it? It's what comes out of the right, and you know, and we've got to repent. Once that happens, we say Lord, like you just said forgive me.

Speaker 3: 9:48

You know, I'm just, I'm just very grateful that God is so strongly a part of my life and my heart, that that I've actually not fallen back into doing those things. I know that I'm still looking and sometimes thinking thoughts, but I'm so grateful that god's not allowed me to to actually commit adultery yeah, I mean that that's wonderful.

Speaker 2: 10:09

I mean because that's and people want to be true with themselves and really say that's what we deal with every day. Right, and that's one reason why I do this show is because I want people to see the realism. You know what people struggle with and what people are willing to say hey, I struggle with this just as much as you know Jill and John and whoever out there you know is struggling with it. And it don't matter what part of the country you're in or if you're clear across the world, you still deal with the same thing. Right, I mean, it's just, I deal with it. I still deal with it today, like you said, you know I hate going.

Speaker 2: 10:42

So what I do is do I really need that from the store? Do I really have to go to town? You know, get on my phone or do I really need to do this or that? And I come say no, I don't need to do it. And so what that does it. It keeps me from walking into those, those traps that the enemy has laid before me, you know. And and when I do go out, and I have to go out, it's easier to deal with those situations when I have to go to the grocery store, or when I have to go to, you know, walmart or anything like that, and so and and I go in, I do my thing and I come back out. You know what I'm saying. So I try to live, you know myself, I don't know about you, but I try to live, you know, a solitude-type life, a hermit's life, not to the point to where I ostracize myself from people, but I try to live to where that. You know that I seek out my own soul and salvation.

Speaker 3: 11:37

You know, it's just something I've got to do. See, that's that's one thing I have found myself doing like I'm not wanting to become a hermit and stay in the house all the time, but I have found myself that I seem to be staying in the house more like I. I try not to get out and just go walking or anything, because I'm afraid that if I do, yeah what I'm going to end up doing.

Speaker 3: 11:54

You know and I know that I'm going to have to have more faith in Jesus, more faith in God to lead me and not allow me to fall.

Speaker 2: 12:04

I know, when I come back to the Lord and I rededicate my life, it was I stayed in my room. I mean I lived in my room, I fought those demons. I mean I lived in my room, I fought those demons. I mean it was a spiritual battle. I mean I'll be honest with you, it comes straight from hell. You know, I went to work. I come home. I went to work. Come home, I was eating ramen, noodles, anything that is in the house. I didn't go out to eat. You know, I lived.

Speaker 2: 12:29

I didn't want to go out and the people that I was living with was like let's go do this. I was like I really don't want to go do this. You know, just because I know that if something caught my eye you know, going to a restaurant and somebody's drinking a pitcher or something you know that caught my eye, you know, I could feel my mouth water, you know, and it's just like little things like that that would keep popping up in my brain and it's just like stop, stop, stop. Now I can go out and I can do things. I still have to watch, I still have to and I and that this is where I love. I got a home church and then when I got, I've got this ministry that I do, and then I've got, uh, you know, my music, music ministry that I do. I travel with the woman that plays and stuff, and and it seems like the lord has filled that void and me wanting that, um, how do you say it? Um, when you get boredom and seeing that's what the enemy puts in me, all your board, let's go do this, or this is, this is the ADD in me. You know you need to go find something else to fix you. You know, yeah and uh, yeah, but the Lord's filled all that.

Speaker 2: 13:32

And then the enemy does come back and he sees that God has filled me with all of that. He's crying, he can't touch me. You know what I'm saying. So he goes off and just recently I think I was telling a sister that I was battling. I felt all those demons come back to me. You know those lustful demons, you know all of those things and that spirit of alcoholism, and you know you name it.

Speaker 2: 13:59

You know I was one of those people that when I walked away from God, they was like probably like 20 demons right behind me, you know, following me wherever I went and I felt every one of them come back to me. But the Lord had told me, because I filled my heart with him and I feel everything with him, that there was no room for him and he'd seen that Right. And I and I was like and the Lord says you are now a living embodiment of the scripture. Yeah, I'm seeing that. You know when the Lord says when you walk away from God, you know when there's like seven other demons or more comes in you and stuff like that. And you know, and the devil does come back to you and he will. And what he's doing? He's checking to see if there's any emptiness in you. Because if there's any emptiness in you, what's he going to do? He's going to attack?

Speaker 3: 14:42

yeah, he's going to attack. So that goes back to me, and you know, like I spoke about my addiction and people being in jail. And you know one of my things, you know, I've been to prison, yeah, uh, actually four times here in the state of kentucky. I've been in other jails tennessee, virginia, alabama, uh and every single time that I go to jail, you know, I've always got ministers that come in and speak to us and and I used to used to think that, well, jailhouse religion, you know, and I never would allow myself to get close to God and that's something that I will speak about today too is anyone who may be in jail and may get to listen to this?

Speaker 3: 15:23

There is no such thing as jailhouse religion. Wherever you come to know God, whether it be in jail or in a closet, in a bathroom, wherever, on the side of the road, jesus is real. God is real. The relationship that you have with him is your business, no one else's. That's right. Don't, don't, ever allow anybody, especially in jail or wherever you're at, tell you that it's jailhouse religion and just doing it to get to know god, to help you out, get to get to know god for for your own reasons. Amen, jesus is real and he does love us all yeah, and you're right.

Speaker 2: 15:56

I mean I I've been guilty of saying that because I worked. I was telling you before the show was kind of touching base with each other. You know I worked, as you know, a ceo. You know I was a deputy jailer for like five years and and I did see a lot of that. You know people use that. You know jailhouse religion type, and then I hear people make jokes about it. Then I would see the real thing come into that jail Right and I would see people pour out their hearts and seeing dealing with my own addictions and dealing with my own demons. I'm just as much as in prison as they are.

Speaker 3: 16:26

Right.

Speaker 2: 16:27

And, truth be told, that's the truth I'm crying out just as much as they are. So if you want to be truthful, I got. Joe has religion Right, you know, it's just. I'm not not locked up behind a steel door, you know, or bars, you know, being monitored I, you know, I, it don't matter where you're at. You know, I got saved in a little little trailer, you know, back in 98, and then gave my heart back to God four years ago in a a little 12 by 12 room. So, truth be told, I got saved in a 12 by 12, you know, or instead of an eight by four.

Speaker 3: 17:00

And you know that's the other thing they talk about. You know God opening doors and doing things for us. You know God can I can also play just as fast as he opens a meal close them. I say that because the last time that I got to know Jesus Christ I was actually living in a Harlech County jail and I was fighting a case. And I got to know Jesus and God again and started to have a relationship and God allowed that door to open to where I can go back out to my family.

Speaker 3: 17:27

But once I got out, it wasn't no time that I was backslidden doing the same things that I was always doing and within no time that door got slammed right back in my face. So I was right back in jail, living in jail. But that time, you know, I knew that I'd done wrong, so I didn't call back upon God. I didn't call back for Jesus' help. I didn't call to be saved again. Called back for Jesus's help, I didn't call to be saved again. And then it was probably four or five years went by that until I was homeless, strung out on heroin and fentanyl ice and on methane family stuff like that, that that God finally moved on my heart and told me you know, look, I'm done stop, stop running from me.

Speaker 3: 18:09

You know, you know the work that I have for you. You know my will for you. Come to me, get to know me, love me like I love you, and let's do this I'm so thankful that you answered that call. Yeah, I really am uh, I can't wait to see where he leads me next. Yeah, uh, this is the first. I guess the first thing that I've done yeah he's allowed me to do

Speaker 2: 18:31

I know, I, I felt like you know, um, I pray about everybody I come up to and it's, and I was like lord, who, who'd I go to next? You know, and there's a few other brothers and sisters in the church I've went to and it's not if they do it or don't. You know, it's nothing that if you don't do it, you don't do it. But I was like who'd I go to? Right, I just felt led to come to you and asked you if you wanted to. You know, partake with the show and uh, and I, and and I am thankful to get to hear you know how god has brought you through all of this. You know, because I lived, I lived, uh, I lived in a drug home, yousef, you know both physically, mentally. You know, and I know what drugs can affect. You know they can have on you and your family yeah you know and I lived with.

Speaker 2: 19:12

You know, my mother was suicidal, constantly trying to commit suicide. You know, and I've testified about it on the show before she, I think the last time she committed suicide she did it in front of me and my sister right. You know she thank god that she didn't pass. You know, and god got you know into her heart and saved her. And 12 years after that, you know, she did pass and now she's sitting in the glory of God.

Speaker 3: 19:37

Right, you know, and and that you know you speak about suicide attempts, stuff like that. That was something that I guess I've dealt with it a long time too, myself, but also my mother, and you know I pray every day that my mom. I can remember when I was a kid right up here in Gray's Knob somewhere there was a church that was a holiness church and my mother used to go there and I know she had such a powerful loving relationship with Jesus Christ and now she's backslidden and my mother's getting real sick and old. You know I hope and pray that before she goes that I get to see my mom come back to know Christ.

Speaker 2: 20:16

Amen, I'm agreeing with you, brother, 100%, and you know I could testify. I shouted at my mom's deathbed. I mean, the Lord says you know to mourn for the ones that come into this world and shout for the ones that leave. I literally, you know, the spirit fell upon me. I actually had some of my family members trying to calm me down Because the moment my mom passed, the spirit fell. And I tell you what I shouted with all glory, speaking in tongues, you name it. I was like thank you, jesus, because I got to watch my mom and my relationship mend and so I know the Lord can do the same for you.

Speaker 2: 20:58

I mean, I agree with you 100%. I can testify about it. I can tell you it will happen, you know, and God is good. Yes, he is. I love that. He's amazing. Yes, god is good. I mean, how do you? Let's see how I can say it. You got anything else you want to add? I think that's pretty much it for now. Okay, but what I mean? If you could ask somebody, you could tell somebody out there struggling with the drug addiction you know dealing with, you know the meth and the coke and you know heroin and all of that, you know, how would you coach them into giving your heart back to God, giving their heart back to?

Speaker 3: 21:47

God have to. I would have to just sit and tell them what I've been through, the things that it's that through my addiction, heroin and fentanyl, those things, what they had caused me, the hurt and harm that they brought upon me and my family and my loved ones, and I would have to show them, tell them and glorify God, everything that he's done for me and taken from me through the addiction, and what all he's given me back.

Speaker 2: 22:20

You know people that's listening. I've watched this brother come to the altar day after night, after night, and we went through like what a two-week revival. 17 days 17-day revival and then every night or every service that we have on Sundays, I watch this brother come to the Lord and just pour his heart out to God and that's how we deal with our addictions, because it's strong and seeing the enemy knows that and, brother, you're doing awesome.

Speaker 3: 22:49

The Bible says I ask and you shall receive that's right. Seek and you shall find yes, knock and the door. Receive that's right. Seek and you shall find yes, knock and the door shall be opened unto you. Yes, and that's the reason I continue to pour my heart out to Jesus. Yes, because I know that as long as I continue to leave it at the altar, yes, he's going to take it.

Speaker 2: 23:04

I think that's the key.

Speaker 3: 23:04

right there is leaving your addictions leaving whatever you're dealing with literally at the altar, because if you don't, you're going to fail. Yeah, because if it wasn't for Jesus, I'd still be out there, strung out, addicted. Jesus and God has done everything for me. They've taken it all and I know that as long as I continue to go, pour my heart out to God and to continue to leave each of my burdens at the altar, he'll pack those burdens for me.

Speaker 2: 23:29

Yeah, it's not saying that you're not going to deal with them right because you're going to deal with them, and but it's when the enemy does come back with you and comes back to you and he tries to throw those stumbling blocks in front of your feet, or he tries to throw those pictures you know of, you know the lust and I and everything else, and you're not going to be able to. You're going to be able to push them aside, right and go on. It's not saying that you're going to have to deal with them, because the Lord just told me the other day there's something that I've been dealing with my entire life.

Speaker 2: 24:00

It's a struggle and, like Paul says, it's a thorn in my flesh. It has been literally a thorn in my flesh since the day I was born. That I can recall. And the Lord says you're're gonna deal with it till the day you die. But it's how you deal with it until the day you die. Okay, are you gonna? Are you willing to give it all to god and lay it on the altar? Are you willing to? You know, run with it and do what the devil wants you to do? So, and I thought you know. And then I find myself trying to figure out how to pray. You know, okay, I got to deal with this. So, lord, strengthen me, you give me your strength, you know your support, and he will you ask and you shall receive Knock and you shall open. You know, seek and you shall find.

Speaker 3: 24:48

We talk about praying and knowing how to pray a lot of times, and I just started recently doing this because of another brother who's been on the show as well, danny perkins. Yes, he had, uh, he had told me one time you know, pray and ask god to shut your mouth and open his yeah and I do that because I don't know sometimes what to say. So now, when I pray, even before the show, I'll go. When we were praying, you know, I was just asking god for his word.

Speaker 2: 25:13

Leave me, give me strength yeah, not not knowing what to pray reminds me of a story about a woman that that that a guy had come in and he had seen her praying and she I guess she just didn't have the words to say it no more. So she was acting like she was drunk. You know, he thought she was drunk but she wasn't. It's her heart, heart that was praying, that was speaking out. Because I've been through that and I was like Lord, I prayed you'd take this and do this and do that. And I said I prayed a thousand words.

Speaker 2: 25:43

It's not my words, it's what's in my heart. It's not what goes into the man that defiles them, it's what comes out, and it's the same way with God. It's what comes out and it's the same way with God. It's what you put in your heart that's going to come out. So if I'm putting all of this sin, then it's eventually going to come out Right and I'm eventually going to defile myself. So if I'm putting all of God into me, eventually you know and I testified about this a little bit ago, before we started the show that I didn't know how to minister to people and God said use what you know now. What you don't know, you will know and you will be able to use it. And there might be times, brother, that you might be lost for words. Right, and still today, that I find myself lost for words. But then also I find my Lord. He takes and he fills my mouth with 10 other words. You know of his.

Speaker 3: 26:37

That's like you was just talking about what goes in their hearts. What we take in is what comes out. You know brother Danny Perkins had spoke about it in church not long ago. The music, you know, the movies we watch videos, tupac, all them things. Tv. I've had to start changing what I watch on TV, what I listen to, because I know that if I don't, I'm still going to continue to hear all the cursing language, seeing all the sexual nude things on TV that I don't want to see no more, because I know that if I'm taking it in, that's what's going to come out. That's what I'm going to be thinking about all the time. So, with that being said, you know that's a starting place for me was changing what I watch and what I listen to.

Speaker 2: 27:18

That was a big thing for me, like if I'm flipping through the TV and if they're using a curse word.

Speaker 3: 27:30

You know I have to turn it, you know especially if they're using the Lord's name in vain, I have to turn it. If they're using in the lord's name in vain, I have to turn it. And anything that I watched it, that they, they, uh, they cut jesus out of it. Like you speak, you say jesus's name, but then they bleep it out yeah yeah, I can't watch that no, because then they're.

Speaker 2: 27:44

They're not saved, right, they're not. They're not professing that you know the, the righteousness of god. You're not professing the truth of god is when you cut christ out, because if you can't confirm christ, then you're not saved and you deny them and, uh, that's hard to say but it's the truth yeah you know, because I've talked to christians and minister to people that say they're being christians forever but they won't deny g.

Speaker 2: 28:08

I mean they won't, you know, confess jesus, but they'll confess god all day long. And you know, I believe in the deity, I believe in this, but, you know, do you believe in their son, his son, jesus, and that's what's going to get you into heaven. That's what Christ done for you, paul and me and any other priest bullets listening to this. He died for you on your, on the cross. You know he, he suffered for you. And, and what's crazy is, did you know everything that we're going through when it comes to, like addiction to lust, just anything, murder or a hateful cause? Hatefulness leads to murder. You know, and you know all of these stuff that we go through. Christ went through that but without sin.

Speaker 2: 28:51

Right, that's amazing.

Speaker 3: 28:53

We talk about hate. You know, the Bible says anger, but sin not. The Bible doesn't say that you can't get angry. Yeah, it says to learn how to be angry without sinning.

Speaker 2: 29:02

Yeah, that's one of those. I always say Lord, that's a fine line there and he goes yeah, it is, but you know, but you got to learn it. Yeah, but you got to learn it.

Speaker 2: 29:11

Yeah, and the Lord's been teaching me. There's things that for me to grow, to make it to heaven, I've got to learn before we go, and I think that's what our whole walk is it's learning. So it's hard, man, because I deal with anger a lot. I grew up in a very angry home. I've told you it was physical abuse and spiritual abuse, and it was always just people packing guns, people angry. Let's go shoot this person, let's get back a vengeance.

Speaker 3: 29:46

Let's see, in my home same way, sort of. There was a lot of abuse, both my father and my stepfather. My mother, she had custody until I was like seven or six or seven or eight, something like that, and then my real father got custody and that was the thing. You know, my mom went to church until she lost custody of me and my little brother, mark. Once we moved in with my dad, we went to church every Wednesday night and Sunday night, sunday school, but then when we wasn't in church, my dad was real bad and drinking and abusive, and so as far as the mental abuse, physical abuse, man, I really went through it. Yeah, I ended up getting sent off and was abused in foster care mentally, physically and sexually mentally, physically and sexually and I'm just so grateful today, man, that God has taken and mended my heart and given me a clean slate and a way to forgive others as he's forgiven me.

Speaker 2: 30:43

That's been hard for me is when I rededicated my life back. I didn't know. I had hatred in my heart for people, people I thought I loved Right, and the devil just blindsided me and he, he gave me this fake love for these people. And then the lord showed me one day you don't have love for these people.

Speaker 2: 31:02

he said you hate these people, you have resentment towards these people and, and I tell you, broke me and then, and then I started getting deeper into my resentment and all of my hate and, uh, I kind of found out about some things in my life that I've been I've kind of blocked out of my, my mind and uh, that's where a lot of my, my, uh, my addiction stemmed from. Was, you know, my past, you know and, and it was, it's crazy. And I didn't realize it and I was like Lord, I don't want to know no more, because the more I realize it it's just, this is like the more I got to deal with. But I have to deal with it, though, and I was like I don't want to, but then I, but then I'm like lord, okay, then just pour it on me, if you want me to know it, I'll know it.

Speaker 2: 31:49

Right, you know, because there's a lot of my, my childhood, that I blocked out, that I don't remember, and uh, and the lord's brought back pieces of it, you know, to me as this last go around with them, you know, and he and he showed me that I've got to do this, I got to do, you got to learn, you got to deal with this, you know, because this is, uh, we, we've got, we got to take care of this before you die or before I come back.

Speaker 2: 32:13

We got to take care of this exactly right, yeah I mean, it's the truth and uh, what's fun to my alcohol addiction or my lust, you know, uh, my strong sexual desires. You know that that probably that's the hardest thing to testify, because people, people are very, um, uh, judgmental when it comes to stuff like that, you know. And not in a pedophile, you know, I wouldn't ever that that's disgusting. But you know my, my lust for women, right? You know lust for sexual desires, you know, promiscuous, you know, and it's hard that even right now, even testifying about that, you know, being truthful and and just telling people that, you know I deal with it, you know, um, sleeping around with like 20 different people is not yeah, it's not it's not highly for one, no, it's not, but it's it's.

Speaker 2: 33:10

It is what the truth is. The truth, you know. And chasing that, that, that strong addiction feeling, you know, is the same feeling that somebody's going out there chasing heroin, is chasing it in a sexual way, and you know it makes you no better of a person than they are and no worse of the part you. Just, it is what it is so we speak on?

Speaker 3: 33:30

we're speaking about lust and and, yeah, stuff like that. You know, I've been reading a plan about sex and and lust and stuff like that in my bible and it says in here that, uh, chastity isn't a concept you hear much about these days, it says, but it's, it's been an an important Christian virtue for more than 20 centuries. Chastity isn't usually defined as sexual abstinence before marriage and sexual fidelity within marriage. It reflects the biblical worldview that we have no inherent right to sex. The privilege of sexual union with another person is conferred upon us only by the wedding ceremony, meaning that god brought a man and a woman together, yeah, that that woman and that man should be only having sex with with each other, not other people.

Speaker 2: 34:17

It defiles the temple of god it does you know, and it's crazy, even when I was out in sin every time that, you know, I I'd be in some type of sexual act or anything I felt dirty. Afterwards I felt unclean. It was just like if you've been through it, you know. But then, on the other hand, I'd heard the enemy say oh, you felt good. Now I'd override the feelings. But yeah it made you feel gross. I know with me it did, and you know we spoke right before we started the show about?

Speaker 3: 34:51

did I actually want to be back with my wife?

Speaker 2: 34:54

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 34:54

And you know, the Bible talks about the Jezebel spirit, and that's one of the reasons why I choose to say no. I don't want to be back with my wife. My wife is actually still in addiction, so bad and still serving the devil, so bad that she's got the Jezebel spirit all about her Right.

Speaker 2: 35:11

That's a tough spirit.

Speaker 3: 35:13

It is.

Speaker 2: 35:14

I tell you, I've dealt with people with that Jezebel spirit. I can almost walk into a room and tell you who's got it and who don't. Right, because you deal with it long enough. You can kind of you get the whiff of it. You know, and and uh, I, I always struggle like lord. Why did I go through all of this stuff? Because this is the reason why I went through it because I know how to pray for people, now that's dealing with certain things in their life, or you know, and and I know how to talk to some people. And you know, I'm not saying I know it all, right, I don't. I'm not going to say I know it all, but I do say that I can talk to somebody enough to say, hey, I can relate just enough to you to know how you're feeling right and, but there is one person out there that can relate to you the whole thing yeah

Speaker 2: 35:56

and that's jesus, and and I tell you, and I thank god for coming into my life, and now I look back and I thank god for being able to all the breakthroughs that I've had through him. Amen, you know, dealing with all my problems and I I'll be honest, I still struggle with saying the word sex or it's rust, you know, because I I've put the church wants to be truthful. That is a probably one of the the main problems with the church is lust, promiscuous.

Speaker 3: 36:26

It most certainly is within myself I'll be honest with myself and with anyone else that I struggle daily with that. I haven't had sex with another woman other than my wife, right, and even though I've wanted to and I've thought about it and my heart's actually truly desired to do it, I thank God that he's kept me from doing so and, uh, give me the strength to fight it. But, uh, that's a bad problem for myself is, is the the lust problem?

Speaker 2: 36:57

uh, I find myself sometimes six, seven, eight times a day praying asking god to please help me to stop lusting pray 10 more times because you know, brother, I know exactly what you're going through and I've been in churches and what breaks my heart the most is I've been in churches and I play music and I've been on stage and and I watch that spirit walk right in the door and it hurts me. And then I see it on the young kids.

Speaker 3: 37:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 37:25

And then I look at the young kids and they don't truly understand the depths of that, what that can cause and where that can lead.

Speaker 3: 37:32

They don't realize what they're actually doing.

Speaker 2: 37:34

No, they don't.

Speaker 3: 37:36

As parents, we need to start teaching our children why it's not good to dress the way they're dressing.

Speaker 2: 37:44

I know that's a big thing in the church is oh, we got to dress the way they're dressing. I know that that's a big thing in the church is oh, we got to dress this way. You're right, you know that's the religious part of church, but there is a right way to dress, right? You know, when you got your rocky tops all hanging out, you know this is gonna be truthful and let you I can call it another word but you know you can let your stuff all hang out or you could spread your legs and you know, let you jump.

Speaker 3: 38:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 38:06

I mean, it's just to be real on the show, you know, or you can wear your clothes as tight as you can get them. I just I think modesty is left our church.

Speaker 3: 38:17

Yes.

Speaker 2: 38:18

You know, I uh, when I first got saved, I um, I saved, I uh, I started off in the church of god and then I kind of ventured off into the holiness movement here in harlem. You know about the holiness movement, long sleeves, long. You know the whole thing and I got wrapped up in that, you know, and then, uh, the lord eventually showed me and taught me and I don't hate these people, I'm not going to, and I I pray for them right and uh, but I watched my mom go through.

Speaker 2: 38:44

My mom dealt with a lot of the a lot of the problems that I deal with.

Speaker 3: 38:48

I didn't realize it until after she had passed you know I'm glad you said something about that is uh, yesterday at work, yeah, I had a lady that works there and she, she. I came back from lunch I had bought a uh a picture like hang on the wall of my house and I left it laying outside at the cigarette table. And when I came back from lunch she was reading that pitcher and it was a God pitcher and she is crying and I knew that God had touched her heart with that pitcher. So I started speaking to her about coming to church and she says well, honestly, paul, she said, I've been wanting to come back to church so bad. She said, but I've had so many bad experiences.

Speaker 3: 39:27

You know, the Bible tells us to come as we are. That's right. It doesn't say that you've got to put a long skirt on or long-sleeved shirts and blue slacks. Jesus says come as you are, come as you are. Now there is an appropriate way to dress, right Meaning. You know, don't let your stuff hang out, wear something decent. And you know I just for anyone who's listening I pray that the holiness movement gets control of their churches, man, and stops treating people the way they are.

Speaker 2: 39:57

I mean, I agree with you and see, I was raised out west. A lot of people think the holiness movement is just in the Appalachian mountains. So, ed, I don't know if they realize it, but in the Hispanic community it's just as strong as it is here in the white community. Yes, I mean, they're actually more stricter than the snake handling churches here where we live at here in Harlan and I'm telling you, man, it's rough. You live at here in harlan and, uh, I'm telling you, man, in it's rough. I mean it's just.

Speaker 2: 40:29

I think come as you are and I think people switch that up because eventually the lord will change you yes he'll teach you how to dress and see we don't need to teach others how to dress not our job, it's not our job and see if we start teaching people. I think if we're more of a um, how do you say, if we show people how to do it, we'd be more of a light to them, then they'll eventually follow that right but, um, you know, try not to get off too much.

Speaker 2: 40:56

You know on left field and everything, but you know as far as what we deal with and try to get into the religious part of church. You know that because I want to. I want to let people to church. You know that cause I want to. I want to let people to know that. You know it don't matter what you're dealing with, you can come to God.

Speaker 3: 41:09

Yes, amen.

Speaker 2: 41:10

How, it don't matter. You know, brother sitting in front of me right now is tattooed from the head up and there. But that's, there's nothing wrong with them. There's nothing wrong with, you know, with this tax, you know, and that's you know. With this tats, you know, and that's you know. He did that out in sin. Yes, you know, uh, I'm not speaking against tats, I'm not speaking to you know, uh, because you know I'm not going to fight that religious, you know, as far as that goes, you know, but that's between you and god, and when you stand before god and that's to me, me I can't handle needles.

Speaker 3: 41:41

When I stand before god, the only thing that's going to be standing there is my spirit amen.

Speaker 2: 41:45

he's going to see not the tattoos. You know what he's going to see the blood. That's right, that the blood. And and it's the same way with you know, with mine a lot of people don't realize I don't have tattoos, but I'm tattooed with sin, right? There's things in my life that that, once I walk away from god, those uh, sinful tattoos are going to start to show. Yeah and see, that's what the devil wants people to realize is he wants to mark your body with sin, and if he can keep marking your body with it, the more he marks you with it, the further you're going to get away from God. Amen, amen and I love tattoos.

Speaker 2: 42:24

You know I draw, I'm an artist by way back and I love tattoos. You know I draw, I'm an artist by way back and I love it, and it's probably my release. But I've drawn tattoos for people but I just can't do the needle thing Right. Right, I know it's all in your head and stuff like that. I give myself shots daily. I don't even like doing that, but I have to. If I don't I doing that, but I have to. If I don't, I'm gonna die, you know, or I will die eventually, you know, and uh, but um, god is good. I'm so glad that you, you know you. You came to the studio and there. Anything else you'd like to share?

Speaker 3: 42:56

no, brother, that's about it anything out there.

Speaker 2: 42:59

I meant far as you want to give people encouragement or anything.

Speaker 3: 43:03

Just believe in your heart, confess with your mouth, and thou shalt be saved.

Speaker 2: 43:09

Right, and I would like to invite you back on the show again, though.

Speaker 3: 43:13

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 43:13

You know, the further you get your walk with Christ, because there's going to be new adventures with God. Oh yeah, most certainly. And I know, and watching you from the time that you started coming to church and you gave your heart to God, I have watched this brother do a dramatic change. Thank you In everything. And I don't know Paul personally. I'm just recently getting to know this brother and I didn't have to know him to know that there had been a change in him. And we was talking about our dress and the way we do our clothing. I watched one day he come in. He had a suit and tie on. Yeah, and see, that's what God does for you. He makes you want to do the right thing. And I'm not saying the suit and tie is right, but what I'm saying is he makes that proud. Look, you know I'm glad to be a Christian Right. Yeah, you know I'm glad to be a Christian Right. Yeah, you know I'm glad to dress.

Speaker 3: 44:08

The part that's what it is for me is. You know, it makes me feel good to know that I can get dressed up for Jesus now, you know.

Speaker 2: 44:14

That's it, ain't it? It's like when I come, I sold everything, or I got rid of everything that I had. I don't have no more suits, I just got nice pants and shirts and shoes, but it felt good. Uh, I went out a few weeks ago and I bought me a, you know, kind of like a half suit. You know, I missed the ties and I missed the suits and and, uh, because I walked from, I walked away from god, I left everything. I I like doing the fedora, you know dressing up and and it's. I know it know it's, it's vain, but I tell you what, if it's vain for the God, I'm going to do it. You know, yes, amen, and and I just, if you're out there and you don't know Christ, uh, please, please, I beg you, no matter where you're at, yes, it don't matter, give your heart to God. I got saved in a little room twice. I didn't get saved in a church house. I didn't give my heart to God. Over that, I cried out to God and he answered me. And here I am today.

Speaker 3: 45:16

That's another thing. Just because you don't feel it the first time you pray, that doesn't mean you're not saved.

Speaker 2: 45:22

Oh yeah, I've heard preachers and people get upset. You know, you got to feel it. You got to feel it.

Speaker 3: 45:30

It's different as long as you mean it with your heart. Yeah, confess to God and ask God to come in your heart and save your life. You're going to be saved. Yeah, from there on, you've got work you've got to do. Yeah, you're going to mature slowly but surely, and and?

Speaker 2: 45:47

you'll start walking righteously with god. You know, whosoever calleth upon the name of the lord shall be saved. And who is the lord? Jesus christ. You know, and, and, and I've heard people say. You know there's nothing wrong getting down there and praying until it makes it happen. You make it to happen. And you know the old saying fake it till you make it. You're not faking it.

Speaker 2: 46:02

Jesus is in, you will make it that's exactly right, and, uh, it's it's like um, because when I come back to the lord, see, I walked away from god, I walked over the blood, I walked away from the grace of god, the mercy over it all. I was walking, I'm walking straight to hell. And when I come back to god, I felt still. It felt like the enemy wanted me to say hey, you still feel dirty, you still feel this. I literally felt death. I could probably like punch death.

Speaker 3: 46:31

That's how close he was to me. You know you said fake it till you make it. A lot of people say that. You know I'm glad you said that and God just put it on my heart to say something that was said to me two days ago. One of our brothers and sisters uh, joe and angie jenkins yeah, they go to the loyal church of church of god.

Speaker 3: 46:48

I know joe angie had told me the other day that she had made some steak dinners, you know, and she'd uh, took one out to her friend that lives in their building and evidently he had said something out of the way to her and she said, lord, help him. And he must have said something along the lines is oh, you use jesus for everything. Just a jesus person? Yeah, jesus secret? She said, yeah, I love jesus and you know he's my. Everything, yeah, and everything I do is it's for jesus and about jesus and with jesus. So just because you know you got jesus in your life, don't let nobody tell you you're just using jesus to get where you need to go. Jesus is going to help you anyways.

Speaker 2: 47:24

Well, that goes all back when we started the jailhouse religion. Yeah, I'm sorry, use it Right, I'm sorry. Use it, you know, because if God can save you and he can use the jail to save you, then hey, I'm go for it. Listen, he put us there for a reason. My mom did jailhouse ministry. She did a 12-step program. You know she had such a high recovery rate for her people that come through her 12-step program that the county wanted to use her. And because of her high rate, people were going through her classes and they was recovering because it was Christ-centered. You know I don't want to get too much into that, but you know you've want to get too much into that, but yeah, you know you got to you got to use jesus, yeah, and if it's joe has religion, if it's it, just use it.

Speaker 3: 48:13

Listen, if you find jesus in jail, it's because jesus puts you there. Yeah, so you could find him.

Speaker 2: 48:16

Yeah, with paul, you know, he struck paul down and put paul in prison, yeah just to use him, the two men it was hanging on the cross, sometimes christ's, to put you on that cross, right there at the brink of death. It just come to me, and there was two that stood on both sides of Christ, one with Christ and one wasn't with Christ. If it's Joe House religion and if that ain't Joe House religion, I don't know what is Amen. You know that? Just come to me. You know the man sitting on the cross was Joe House Religion. Yes, he was bound to that cross. He was locked up on that cross with Christ. Yes, he was man. I truly enjoyed this. Give out to Joe and Angie out there. If you're listening, you do listen. I want you guys on the show. All right, I know them both, they're good people, but I thank God for everything and I thank God for saving Paul and being on the show and you sure you ain't got anything else that's about it.

Speaker 2: 49:13

I, I tried to, like you know, I tell a lot of people and I and I and sometimes I repeat myself on the show I, I really want the show to be about Christ, you know, not about all the things that we have done, but where god can take you right from and and, and you've done that. Today, paul, you've showed where god brought you. You know you didn't get too deep into. You know the stuff that you've done. There's nothing wrong with that, but you showed people how that god can take you from a life you know sin and bring you into a life of you know holiness and godliness and teach you how to dress, teach you how to act and teach you how to pray. And you know, and, brother, he's doing it. Yes, you know God is. You know he right here, standing in front or sitting in front of me, is a walking miracle.

Speaker 3: 49:57

Yes, it is.

Speaker 2: 49:58

Miracle, miracle. It is, brother. You know and I and you know myself, I'm a walking miracle and you're listening. You know, and I and you know myself, I'm a walking miracle and you're listening. You're a walking miracle. That's true, very true, amen, yes, amen, and I thank god for everything that he has done and, uh, I would like to invite you back on the show, brother.

Speaker 2: 50:14

Again, I would I would greatly appreciate and lord moves on you to, uh, you know, preach right on the show, or you got a word, or you know you want to go a little deeper into something about your life that you didn't get to share, or you want to go deeper into it. I want to invite you back on the show because there's somebody out there that definitely needs to to hear it and I believe, yeah, praise the lord, glory to god, and I guess I'll go ahead and start the music there and I'll go ahead and I thank you again and I what, brother? If you want to end us in prayer, that'd be great.

Speaker 3: 50:48

Father God, we thank you, heavenly Father, for giving us the opportunity to be here today. We ask, father God, that through the ministry and being here on the 421 show that everything we spoke about would reach someone out there, that my testimony and the things you've done for me will be enough to just find somebody's heart and bring them to know you yes in the name of jesus, we pray amen amen, glory to god.

Speaker 2: 51:13

This is your host, jd. You're listening 421 show. Go check out our website at hor421showbuzzsproutcom for all your latest content and information. You can listen to the show on apple spotify, whatever platform you're choosing.

Speaker 1: 51:26

My soul was six feet underground. Then you rolled that stone away. You pulled me from the grave. Praise the Lord. I saw a light and I'll never be the same. I got that freedom, Freedom in my soul. I got that fire be the same.